On The Seventh Day...

People are always asking me what exactly it is that my company does.
Well, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.
Sikama Contracting specialises in commercial property maintenance, but my hobby and the aspect of my business that gives me the most joy is building and renovating bathrooms for both the private sector and corporate clients.

The bathroom below was especially fun because it was built in a rather tiny space, and we had to incorporate it into the main bedroom so as to become an en-suite bathroom.

The Jacuzzi bath was an interesting touch, and the mosaic detail around the base was a challenge which turned out amazing on completion!

The client on this project knew exactly what she wanted, and this is another factor in a successful bathroom project. The attention to detail was expected and we delivered.

So there you have it folks.

A little peek into how I spend my free time.
I truly am blessed to be able to pursue a hobby which I have a passion for, and has the potential to turn into a lucrative business some day when I'm done with the commercial property projects.

Lost In Translation

My sister called earlier to inform me that my niece was constipated.
This is a transcript of the conversation.

She : Do you have Milk Of Magnesia?
Me : I've got Full Cream Milk, Skim Milk, Low Fat Milk, Sour Milk, even Milkshake.
She : No man. Milk Of Magnesia. She's constipated.
Me : BLEEUGH! That stuff is gross! I'd rather lick the inside of a prison sewer!
She : She's soo uncomfortable :(
Me : Fair Lady magazine says you can use your finger. Its true.
She : SIES! My baby will pop her eyeballs if I stick my finger in.
Me : Well you should do what I do.
She : Whats that?
Me : Anyone needs a suppository, I get them to kneel down, hold it in place, and I come up from behind and kick them.
She : WHAT?!
Me : Well at least I don't get my fingers dirty.

Which brings me to an interesting discussion I once had with a pharmicist.
When looking at a fairly large pill, how do you tell whether it's a suppository or an oral pill?
You look at the shape, she replied.
The shape, I asked?
Yes, the shape. If it looks like a bullet, it goes in the rear.

Well the problem is i'm used to carrying some big guns. Like shotguns.
Those shotgun bullets are huge!

Ok Robin Williams is on the telly.
Gotta run.
I'm a sucker for good stand-up comedy.
Actually i'm a sucker for any kind of comedy.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Road The Other Day...

This is a true story.
Not that any of my other posts aren't; it's just that this is more true than the other true posts.

So I was sitting in traffic on Friday afternoon, heading toward the East Rand in what could potentially have been a very frustrating bumper-to-bumper excursion; except I had my "Best Of African Jazz" CD to keep me company, and nothing was going to get me "bovvered".

My mobile rang and woke me out of my karaoke fantasy, and it was a family member I'd been avoiding for a few weeks now.
Oh don't be shrugging your shoulder's at me! You know you have one too!
You know the one i'm speaking of... calling to bitch and moan about the rest of the family, or calling to brag about their latest brainless bling purchase, or that bottom-feeder that shares your DNA and only ever calls when they need money.
I'm not saying which category this family member falls in.
So I hid my wallet under the seat, bit my tongue, and answered the call.

"Where are you?" he asked.
"Oh... I'm in Pretoria", I lied.
"Really? So who's driving your car in front of me?" he asked.
DRAT!!
I hate personalised number-plates.

So I inched myself lower into my seat, pretended like I was a Ghetto gangster, and cut the call.
Nothing I could have said was going to get me out of the hole I'd dug.

I hate when that happens.
I hate when you're being all sincere in your white-lie and some fool thinks you're full of crap just because they caught you out.
We all do it at some point.
When the cellphone company calls you, or the bank, or Edgars, or that pond-scum that calls themselves SABC TV Licence.
I have no problem lying to any one of these.
I've even gone as far as answering the phone only to find out it's one of them, and proceeded to tell them "Mr Kaloo is in a meeting and i'll get him to call you when he's done."

Unfortunately this doesn't work when it's a family member.
They have this really annoying knack of knowing your voice.
Oh trust me i've tried.
I've tried telling them it's really not me on the phone. I've tried telling them it's the PA.
Then they get all adamant and say silly things like "I'll tell your mom, you pathetic person! I know it's you!"
Why do they have to get all personal?
Can't they just say "Ok, please ask him to call me when he's done with his kidney operation."
That's so much more polite. Really.

Then I have to endure meeting them at family functions, and pretending like it's been ages since we last met and why haven't they called!
I always blame the phone when they say they've left messages for me... and ask why I didn't return the call.
"Really? When did you call? This damn phone has been giving me problems since I got it!"
"I called last week and your PA said you were out of town. He sounds just like you."
And they always say it with that really annoying condescending voice, almost as though they believe they've caught you out lying.

Ok, i'm off to watch SAW3 again on the telly.
If anyone calls, my PA will take a message for me.

The Princess And The Pout

Princess Sabreen.
She turns four on the 28th of July.
Don't be fooled by the number though; she's got more attitude in her than most twelve year olds I know!

A few day's ago, she and I were having your standard father-daughter chat as any regular dad would have with his four year old daughter; we were discussing the value of education and the repercussions of not having clearly defined goals to achieve. You know, just a good old chit-chat between a dad and his little girl.

So there I am explaining to her as best I can, that staying in school and doing well means she will always have a roof over her head and food on her table. As fate would have it, the words had barely left my lips when we pulled up at a traffic light and a beggar inched his way toward my open window.

She looked at him with a cocked eyebrow, then looked at me, and said "He should have stayed in school, hey Dad."

I'm always amazed at the workings of a child's mind, and how they put the puzzles together in their little heads.
Here endeth the lesson.

Scribbles

I just got back from a Chinese meal of Hot & Sour Soup, and Prawn Chow Mein. Yum!
I hadn't intended on eating out tonight, but a mains water-pipe burst in my suburb earlier and Joburg Water in their infinite wisdom decided to rip up half my road in order to get to a pipe one meter wide and two meters deep.
So presumably for the next day or two, we shall have no water or roadway.
Bring on the dark ages. Whoopee... not.

I can't believe I made it through today without disappointing any of my clients. I had a schedule so tight it would have made a frogs bum look like an open bag of Doritos. (Ok later tonite when i'm laying in bed, that will make more sense.)

Time to get back to the pile of paperwork which seems to have taken a life-form of its own.

Idols Video Highlights 2

This is the Idols audition that had me laughing so hard I almost wet my pants!
She was so nervous, you just knew something was going to happen.
When asked where she found out about Idols auditions, she said she got wind of it through a friend.



After the auditions she was approached by the producers to sing the theme-song for the remake to "Gone With The Wind."
Her career seems destined to blast off into another dimension.
Life's a Gas; Have a Blast, and Let Rip!

Idols Video Highlights 1

My all time favourite Idols auditions video.
I just know this season will provide us with even more ridiculous entertainment.




Killing Me Softly.
Literally.