That's right.
I said Herpes.
Everybody who has it wants to pass it around. Like some kind of 'security in numbers' deal. I mean the advice. And the herpes too.
I'm not saying all free advice is bad advice. I'm just saying verify the source.
Like the fat greasy car guard at the gym who inspired this post.
He sees me walking out the gym after a rather strenuous and physical workout, waddles over to me like a fat blubbery seal in search of dead fish, and drops this thought-provoking gem :"You look exhausted. You mustn't over-exert yourself ne'...."
He looked like the kind of guy who's only threat of muscle injury would come from racing to the open buffet at Spur.
My car was parked about 50m from the entrance, so I upped my pace thinking I wasn't really in the mood of conversation with Hoover The Hungry Seal. He surprised me by keeping up the pace, possibly mistaking my body odour for rotting sardines. By the time I got to my car, he was out of breath, leaning his hairy sweaty lard-infested arm on my door and asking me to give him a minute.
I think he said minute.
He could have said help. I'm not sure.
I wasn't taking any chances with Hoover having a heart attack right next to my car. Lord knows he may have expected some mouth-to-mouth action to resuscitate his obviously overworked heart. For a split second the image of his heart in that massive neanderthal frame reminded me of a Mini-Cooper trying to tow the Titanic cross-country on holiday.
So I quickly shut my door, opened my window just enough to squeeze a R2 coin through as a tip in case he needed a deposit or down-payment for the ambulance, and left.
Now I'm going to have to park my car on another level, just in case he thinks he's found a friend in me and I'm going to throw him sardines every time he waddles in my direction.
Either that or get a new car. Maybe change gyms.
I don't know.
This is freaking me out.
Maybe I'll report him for harassment.... but he didn't really harass me. Dammit!
I'm sure if they look at the video footage of today, it will look like he was chasing me and I was trying to run away.
AAARRGGHH!!!!!!
I don't need this stress in my life!
That's it.
Tomorrow I'll just go to gym with a pack of frozen sardines in my bag.
Just in case.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Trusting Your Instinct
This post is inspired by an interesting piece I read on my dear friend Azra's blog, which can be found here.
Every so often, when confronted with decisions, we find ourselves torn between what our heads tell us to do and what our hearts tell us to do; and sometimes our instinct is the shining beacon of light helping us make that decision. Except, being the blundering bumbling fools that we are, we choose to ignore this 6th sense to our own peril.
My Gran always said that the nagging voice inside each of us, guiding us and telling us what to do when confronted with decisions, are in fact the Angels usually found perched on our shoulders.
If I look back on some of the decisions I've made in life, and scored those made after much pondering against those made by virtue of gut instinct, I have a sneaky suspicion that the perched Angels would win by a landslide.
Sometimes we stay when we should go.
Sometimes we go when we should stay.
Sometimes our instinct taps gently , and sometimes it screams out loudly.
We make hundreds of decisions every day, and as a forex trader I'm making them in split seconds.
We need to silence the noise and listen more intently to that inner voice within each of us. Maybe it won't help me find the path to financial success, but I'm pretty sure it will help me trust myself a little more, believe in myself a little more, and feel like I'm more in control of my destiny.
My revised Bucket List should read "Trust your instinct more often."
Everything after that will simply be an affirmation of my faith in the process.
Every so often, when confronted with decisions, we find ourselves torn between what our heads tell us to do and what our hearts tell us to do; and sometimes our instinct is the shining beacon of light helping us make that decision. Except, being the blundering bumbling fools that we are, we choose to ignore this 6th sense to our own peril.
My Gran always said that the nagging voice inside each of us, guiding us and telling us what to do when confronted with decisions, are in fact the Angels usually found perched on our shoulders.
If I look back on some of the decisions I've made in life, and scored those made after much pondering against those made by virtue of gut instinct, I have a sneaky suspicion that the perched Angels would win by a landslide.
Sometimes we stay when we should go.
Sometimes we go when we should stay.
Sometimes our instinct taps gently , and sometimes it screams out loudly.
We make hundreds of decisions every day, and as a forex trader I'm making them in split seconds.
We need to silence the noise and listen more intently to that inner voice within each of us. Maybe it won't help me find the path to financial success, but I'm pretty sure it will help me trust myself a little more, believe in myself a little more, and feel like I'm more in control of my destiny.
My revised Bucket List should read "Trust your instinct more often."
Everything after that will simply be an affirmation of my faith in the process.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
The True Price Of Perfect Abs
I started gyming. Again.
I may have mentioned this before in a previous post, but since nobody who visits my blog remembers anything I write, let's pretend this is the first time you're hearing about it ;)
My target body is the one I had back in my college days. I've lost the original pics, but for all intents and purposes it was pretty close to the one above . That's my body, that's my story, and I'm sticking by both of them.
My first week into my gym routine and I realized that my OCD (as diagnosed by my best friend who moonlights as a clinical psychologist when she's not buying me exotic tea's and drinks or bestselling books) was going to be tested to it's limits.
I have a thing for cleanliness.
Nothing crazy or abnormal by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just finicky about certain things.
Like other people's sweat or bodily liquids. Especially if these are to be found on the handle-bars of the bicycle I'm about to use, or the seat of the rowing machine I was heading toward, or the bench I was about to sit on in the locker-room, or on the little button I need to press at the water cooler, or on any handle of any door I'm meant to open or close at the gym.
Like I said, nothing crazy or abnormal.
Everybody has a freak out when they see or come within 1 meter of someone else's perspiration. And if they don't, they bloody well should.
That's why I never fully understood the Steam Room at the gym.
I'm no scientist, but my Standard 6 understanding of basic precipitation tells me that the steam room is one huge recycling contraption that circulates other peoples sweat. You go in there with 4 strange fat guys, they each drip sweat like a burst geyser, the steam circulates that dripped sweat around until it latches onto you like a hungry leach, and you come out thinking "Wow! Look at how much I perspired in there! I feel awesome!"
Now I know most gyms have a strict policy about having a shower before using the swimming pool, and for good and obvious reason too. But let's be honest, who's policing this policy? I've seen a group of guys come out of the Sweat Exchange Room and jump straight into the pool like it was the most natural thing since carrying portable disinfectant wipes.
Your average gym swimming pool is approximately 200 000 litres.
On average most gyms chlorinate their pools once a week, at a weak concentrate so as not to affect the skin and eyes of gym goers.
I only know this because I made some inquiries, as I'm sure everyone who's ever signed a gym contract has done.
Based on these numbers, if herds of sweaty people are jumping into the pool every day, compounded by the Sweat Exchange Room dripaholics, and gyms are using the bare minimum in chlorine to disinfect their pools, it would mean that by my rough calculations, within 6 months all natural water has been replenished by OPS (other peoples sweat) and you're practically swimming around in a massive Perspiration Pool.
I'm pretty sure this thought has crossed your minds before.
Next time you think wearing swimming goggles helps keep germs out of your eyes, think again about opening your mouth in that pool!
Next week we discuss the ultimate germ warfare incubator. The kind of germ laboratory that would make Al-Qaeda proud.
Yes ladies and gents, the gym toilets and showers comes under the spotlight.
Watch this space...
Here's to 6pack abs :)
I may have mentioned this before in a previous post, but since nobody who visits my blog remembers anything I write, let's pretend this is the first time you're hearing about it ;)
My target body is the one I had back in my college days. I've lost the original pics, but for all intents and purposes it was pretty close to the one above . That's my body, that's my story, and I'm sticking by both of them.
My first week into my gym routine and I realized that my OCD (as diagnosed by my best friend who moonlights as a clinical psychologist when she's not buying me exotic tea's and drinks or bestselling books) was going to be tested to it's limits.
I have a thing for cleanliness.
Nothing crazy or abnormal by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just finicky about certain things.
Like other people's sweat or bodily liquids. Especially if these are to be found on the handle-bars of the bicycle I'm about to use, or the seat of the rowing machine I was heading toward, or the bench I was about to sit on in the locker-room, or on the little button I need to press at the water cooler, or on any handle of any door I'm meant to open or close at the gym.
Like I said, nothing crazy or abnormal.
Everybody has a freak out when they see or come within 1 meter of someone else's perspiration. And if they don't, they bloody well should.
That's why I never fully understood the Steam Room at the gym.
I'm no scientist, but my Standard 6 understanding of basic precipitation tells me that the steam room is one huge recycling contraption that circulates other peoples sweat. You go in there with 4 strange fat guys, they each drip sweat like a burst geyser, the steam circulates that dripped sweat around until it latches onto you like a hungry leach, and you come out thinking "Wow! Look at how much I perspired in there! I feel awesome!"
Now I know most gyms have a strict policy about having a shower before using the swimming pool, and for good and obvious reason too. But let's be honest, who's policing this policy? I've seen a group of guys come out of the Sweat Exchange Room and jump straight into the pool like it was the most natural thing since carrying portable disinfectant wipes.
Your average gym swimming pool is approximately 200 000 litres.
On average most gyms chlorinate their pools once a week, at a weak concentrate so as not to affect the skin and eyes of gym goers.
I only know this because I made some inquiries, as I'm sure everyone who's ever signed a gym contract has done.
Based on these numbers, if herds of sweaty people are jumping into the pool every day, compounded by the Sweat Exchange Room dripaholics, and gyms are using the bare minimum in chlorine to disinfect their pools, it would mean that by my rough calculations, within 6 months all natural water has been replenished by OPS (other peoples sweat) and you're practically swimming around in a massive Perspiration Pool.
I'm pretty sure this thought has crossed your minds before.
Next time you think wearing swimming goggles helps keep germs out of your eyes, think again about opening your mouth in that pool!
Next week we discuss the ultimate germ warfare incubator. The kind of germ laboratory that would make Al-Qaeda proud.
Yes ladies and gents, the gym toilets and showers comes under the spotlight.
Watch this space...
Here's to 6pack abs :)
Thursday, September 13, 2012
iPhone 5 vs Samsung Galaxy S3 Review
VS
Seriously?
Who cares?
They're just bloody phones, and 6 months from now they'll be outdated anyways!
That's my official review and I'm sticking by it.
PS: I used to love Apple for being cutting-edge and progressive, but now I just think they're douche bags for trying to patent everything under the sun.
Based on this, I'll buy the Samsung.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
9/11 War On Terror, Brought To You By Hallmark
It's that time of year again when every news channel and every radio station and every newspaper insists we never forget the acts of terror on 9/11.
Not that we could, even if we wanted to. America would never allow that, and neither would it's marketing machine run by the mass media.
Before I get accused of being unsympathetic toward those who lost their lives on 9/11, let me clarify.
I sympathize with the families and loved ones of every single one of those innocents who lost their lives on that fateful day, including the brave men and women who were part of the search and rescue efforts.
But I also sympathize with the families and loved ones of those innocents, men, women and children alike, who lost their lives subsequent to the event. People who lost their lives without ever knowing where New York is on the world map. People who had never seen the Twin Towers. People who didn't even know that two planes hijacked by Saudi terrorists had flown into American buildings, until they themselves were being bombed by American forces in every country surrounding Saudi, except Saudi itself.
I sympathize with men, women and innocent children who lose their lives daily because of government policies regarding health care, social services and poverty.
I sympathize with men, women and innocent children who never know whether they will see tomorrow because they have been displaced by civil wars funded by America and it's allies.
I sympathize with men, women and innocent children throughout Africa who's survival rates beyond the age of 25 are so minuscule, lab rats in pharmaceutical companies stand a better chance of life.
HIV Aids, Malaria, poverty, civil war, hunger... these are things we should never forget.
These are the people who are most vulnerable... who are never remembered every year by the mass media... who will never make forwarded posters on Facebook or hashtags on Twitter.
These are the people who's families will never receive compensation for their unnecessary deaths thanks to governments around the world who have turned a terrorist event into a Hallmark occasion.
But these people were not killed or murdered as a result of an act of terror, you say?
Where are the mass media and American propagandists on the anniversary of Hiroshima?
Where are the mass media and American propagandists on the anniversary of the Tuskegee Experiment?
Haiti... Guatemala... Hungary... Laos... Vietnam... Ecuador... Congo... Bolivia...Chile... Iran... Iraq... Afghanistan... Palestine...
The list is endless, the anniversaries never remembered and the dead long forgotten.
I respectfully remember August 6th, 1945.
I respectfully remember December 1987 and September 2000.
I respectfully remember September 11, 2001.
I respectfully remember every date in between.
Funny how only one of those dates don't require you to Google the event.
So please don't ask me to glorify a date that led to more innocent deaths than any excuse or reason could ever justify. The American propaganda machine is doing a good enough job of convincing others never to forget 9/11.
Personally I have too many other dates to remember, that in my opinion are more important.
*with no disrespect to the friends and family who lost loved ones on 9/11*
Not that we could, even if we wanted to. America would never allow that, and neither would it's marketing machine run by the mass media.
Before I get accused of being unsympathetic toward those who lost their lives on 9/11, let me clarify.
I sympathize with the families and loved ones of every single one of those innocents who lost their lives on that fateful day, including the brave men and women who were part of the search and rescue efforts.
But I also sympathize with the families and loved ones of those innocents, men, women and children alike, who lost their lives subsequent to the event. People who lost their lives without ever knowing where New York is on the world map. People who had never seen the Twin Towers. People who didn't even know that two planes hijacked by Saudi terrorists had flown into American buildings, until they themselves were being bombed by American forces in every country surrounding Saudi, except Saudi itself.
I sympathize with men, women and innocent children who lose their lives daily because of government policies regarding health care, social services and poverty.
I sympathize with men, women and innocent children who never know whether they will see tomorrow because they have been displaced by civil wars funded by America and it's allies.
I sympathize with men, women and innocent children throughout Africa who's survival rates beyond the age of 25 are so minuscule, lab rats in pharmaceutical companies stand a better chance of life.
HIV Aids, Malaria, poverty, civil war, hunger... these are things we should never forget.
These are the people who are most vulnerable... who are never remembered every year by the mass media... who will never make forwarded posters on Facebook or hashtags on Twitter.
These are the people who's families will never receive compensation for their unnecessary deaths thanks to governments around the world who have turned a terrorist event into a Hallmark occasion.
But these people were not killed or murdered as a result of an act of terror, you say?
Where are the mass media and American propagandists on the anniversary of Hiroshima?
Where are the mass media and American propagandists on the anniversary of the Tuskegee Experiment?
Haiti... Guatemala... Hungary... Laos... Vietnam... Ecuador... Congo... Bolivia...Chile... Iran... Iraq... Afghanistan... Palestine...
The list is endless, the anniversaries never remembered and the dead long forgotten.
I respectfully remember August 6th, 1945.
I respectfully remember December 1987 and September 2000.
I respectfully remember September 11, 2001.
I respectfully remember every date in between.
Funny how only one of those dates don't require you to Google the event.
So please don't ask me to glorify a date that led to more innocent deaths than any excuse or reason could ever justify. The American propaganda machine is doing a good enough job of convincing others never to forget 9/11.
Personally I have too many other dates to remember, that in my opinion are more important.
*with no disrespect to the friends and family who lost loved ones on 9/11*
Monday, September 10, 2012
What If....?
What if you had taken that chance on that fateful day all those years ago?
What if you'd thrown caution to the wind and decided to see where fate leads you?
What if that moment presented itself to you today? Would you take that leap of faith and get out of your comfort zone, or would you watch the opportunity pass you by again?
This pic is one of my favorites for many reasons.
That's me walking the streets of Zurich in Switzerland armed with nothing but a backpack, a pocketful of change and an inquiring mind.
I've been told on more than one occasion that I'm a risk taker; that my personality type is one of high risk roller; that my aptitude dictates I would bet everything including the clothes on my back to follow a dream.
I used to believe this, but for far too long I found myself second-guessing what my gut was screaming.
It's a profound thought and an awe-inspiring one to know that every decision we make in our lives, every single decision no matter how small or grave at the time, will forever change the course of our lives.
Every single decision.
Every choice we make presents an impact moment that continuously changes the course of our destiny.
Think about that for a minute.
If our destiny is pre-determined, how could anything we do or any decision we make change it's course?
I used to ponder this thought until it dawned on me.
If I have faith that the Universe is predisposed to inherent goodness, and every decision I make is with the intention of learning and exploring without hurting or harming, then every decision and choice I make will be supported by the Universe and everything around me will align itself to help me achieve my goal.
Put another way, if we simply trust the system and do the best we can with good intentions, whatever is meant for us along our path will present itself to us.
What if you'd thrown caution to the wind and decided to see where fate leads you?
What if that moment presented itself to you today? Would you take that leap of faith and get out of your comfort zone, or would you watch the opportunity pass you by again?
This pic is one of my favorites for many reasons.
That's me walking the streets of Zurich in Switzerland armed with nothing but a backpack, a pocketful of change and an inquiring mind.
I've been told on more than one occasion that I'm a risk taker; that my personality type is one of high risk roller; that my aptitude dictates I would bet everything including the clothes on my back to follow a dream.
I used to believe this, but for far too long I found myself second-guessing what my gut was screaming.
It's a profound thought and an awe-inspiring one to know that every decision we make in our lives, every single decision no matter how small or grave at the time, will forever change the course of our lives.
Every single decision.
Every choice we make presents an impact moment that continuously changes the course of our destiny.
Think about that for a minute.
If our destiny is pre-determined, how could anything we do or any decision we make change it's course?
I used to ponder this thought until it dawned on me.
If I have faith that the Universe is predisposed to inherent goodness, and every decision I make is with the intention of learning and exploring without hurting or harming, then every decision and choice I make will be supported by the Universe and everything around me will align itself to help me achieve my goal.
Put another way, if we simply trust the system and do the best we can with good intentions, whatever is meant for us along our path will present itself to us.
They say the saddest expression in a mans eyes is the look of a love lost.
I disagree.
I think the saddest expression in a mans eyes is the realization that he's dreams will die with him. The feeling of never having truly achieved and accomplished. Nothing could come closer to knowing that your life was wasted, than to know that you lived it void of fulfilling your hearts desire... and if it was love that was your hearts desire and you never chased that dream, then you have truly lived a life of sadness.
We've become so immune to those inspirational posters and emails and forwarded messages and bumper stickers telling us to live our dreams, that we've forgotten how to dream.
I spoke to a friend the other day and asked him what he'd rather be doing at that very minute. He looked at me and said "Sleeping."
With the choice of doing anything his heart desired, being anywhere else, doing anything else, being with anyone else, he chose sleeping above all. That pretty much sums up our lives. We're so busy chasing our bills, we've forgotten how to chase our dreams.
Dreams don't pay the bills, you say?
Maybe we need to adjust our bills instead of adjusting our dreams.
I disagree.
I think the saddest expression in a mans eyes is the realization that he's dreams will die with him. The feeling of never having truly achieved and accomplished. Nothing could come closer to knowing that your life was wasted, than to know that you lived it void of fulfilling your hearts desire... and if it was love that was your hearts desire and you never chased that dream, then you have truly lived a life of sadness.
We've become so immune to those inspirational posters and emails and forwarded messages and bumper stickers telling us to live our dreams, that we've forgotten how to dream.
I spoke to a friend the other day and asked him what he'd rather be doing at that very minute. He looked at me and said "Sleeping."
With the choice of doing anything his heart desired, being anywhere else, doing anything else, being with anyone else, he chose sleeping above all. That pretty much sums up our lives. We're so busy chasing our bills, we've forgotten how to chase our dreams.
Dreams don't pay the bills, you say?
Maybe we need to adjust our bills instead of adjusting our dreams.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Survivor Jozi: Outlive, Outlast, Outplay
Our coastal cousins down south are prone to running for the bleachers with umbrella and sunscreen in tow at the slightest murmur of thunder or the first pitter-patter of rain. Around these parts, it would take a storm of epic proportions before we even button up a jersey or don a jacket.
So it was on Friday morning that the missus awoke in a frenzy as is her routine, rushing around like Oprah at the buffet table after the last of the chocolate eclairs, trying to get Sabreen done and ready for school.
Since I only go to bed around 3am (my new work hours ever since I started trading the Asian markets) I was about two-thirds of the way into a blissful dream that had to do with Woolies Peppermint Tart and Lucy Liu when the missus came barging into the room informing me that a tree had fallen across the driveway.
Assuming this to be your standard garden variety tree, I mumbled that she should get the gardener to move it.
That's him in the pic above, wondering how to accomplish this objective armed with a handsaw and a cap.
The scene above is what greeted me when I came outside to inspect the progress.
It seems my gardener is more adapt at using that handsaw than I give him credit for.Unfortunately my insurance company isn't so adapt at resolving problems. They informed me that they would send a professional tree-feller out by Friday afternoon. Somebody may have come, I'm not sure. What I do know for sure is that there is still a massive tree laying across my driveway, and I haven't been able to take my cars out all weekend.
On the plus side, I have firewood to last me until sometime around the next ice-age. Maybe sooner if I start working on an ark.
You never know when God may decide to do landscaping of biblical proportions again!
They really should shoot the next season of Survivor around these parts. If you can survive the crime, nature AND Noeleen on SABC every week, you may just have a shot at a Million Dollars!
Jozi ain't for sissies. That's all I'm saying.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)