Boxing Day Chronicles

Boxing Day and I decided to play a round of golf since the weather was looking superb. By 6:30am I was on the tee-box waiting for my opponent to arrive. I had no idea who it would be since I booked my golf game online.

It wasn't the guy in the pic above, in case you were wondering.

It turned out to be a guy named Clive who had come straight from a Christmas party.
Let me say that again in case you didn't get it the first time.
Clive had come straight to the golf course, from a Christmas party!

The party apparently ended at 5am, whereupon our intrepid golfer went home to collect his golf bag and shoes, and then headed to the golf course. I only suspected that he was drunk when he came dressed in a tie... and a stained golf shirt... oh and the distinct smell of alcohol within a 10m radius of the guy... and also the fact that he called me Kowloon instead of Kaloo twice before he even hit his first ball. Did I mention that he stumbled onto the tee-box and farted while bending down to place his ball?

Most of my posts on the blog have a small degree of fiction in them.

Not this one.
I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

It turned out that it would just be the two of us, instead of the usual four players.
You would be amazed by how much you can learn about a person during a round of golf.
Clive is a nurse and he broke up with his girlfriend two days before Christmas. Her names Stacey. I think she must be a real bitch because he called her that at least 36 times... thats an average of twice for every hole we played. Stacey dumped him because he spent their holiday money on a Sony Playstation. How insensitive of her!? Bitch!

I'm no drinker so I don't know too much about alcohol poisoning, but thankfully with Clive being a nurse he accurately diagnosed himself with having the said affliction. I only know this because at the 4th hole he went behind a tree to take a pee, and 30 seconds later he started screaming like a girl. I asked him whats wrong and he said he thought he had alcohol poisoning. The next obvious question was "How do you know this?" and he replied with "It smells like battery acid and looks like Oros." He was talking about his pee.
Did I mention that this is a true story?

Now you're probably wondering what the pic above has to do with anything.

Well, at the end of our game one of the cleaning ladies walked out of the ladies room as we were about to walk into the mens locker rooms. She carried with her a bucket and a mop, as cleaning ladies usually do, and greeted us with a toothy "Good morning Sir."
Clive told her that her mop looked really hot on her. She almost hit him with it. I didn't want to be a witness to sexual harassment, so I ran into the mensroom.

The scary part of this story is that he beat me at golf.
I'd like to see him do that when he's sober!

Ryder Cup 2010

In case you haven't figured this out yet, I am as passionate about my golf as I am about Pistachio Ice-Cream, & Kola-Tonic-&-Lemonade.
That's extremely passionate, in case your'e still wondering.

So passionate in fact, that I spent this entire weekend plonked on my sofa, glued to my TV.
Fortunately or unfortunately, whichever you prefer, the Ryder Cup this year went into Monday play due to bad weather over the weekend. It's been many years since that last happened. This meant that I had to postpone all my Monday meetings to Tuesday.

Disclaimer : For my clients reading this, the blog is pure fiction, and I have the sick-note to prove it.

I'd go into the immensely entertaining and rivetting detail of the weekends play, highlighting every magical stroke and every fantastic putt on that beautiful Welsh golf course, Celtic Manor (Home to the 2010 Ryder Cup, played every 2 years alternating between a United States course and a European one) but I fear my words could never do the event justice.

I've heard commentators say that the Ryder Cup is the most watched event after The Soccer World Cup & The Olympic Games. This is possibly true. I can't remember when I last watched the Olympic Games.

The Europeans, captained by Colin Montgomerie, proved formidable opponents and won the Ryder Cup by a single point, thus taking the cup away from the American captain Corey Pavin and his team.

The competition this year will have many talking points, from the unpredictable weather to the hugely talented players and the boisterous fans.
None however, can compare to the resurgence of that golfing genius, Tiger Woods.
He was a questionable start to begin with; the critics had him pegged as the weakest link in the American team by yesterday; and then came Monday October 4th.
Tiger started off on the back foot, but you could see the animal inside of him clawing away at the kitty-kat exterior to unleash the roar the golfing world thought had been silenced for good... and ROAR he did!

I know many of you may have no idea about golfing terminology, so I will sum up Tigers performance as follows :
If Tiger were Guatemala, and his opponent Molinari was The Rest Of The World, then you need to imagine a wounded and depleted Guatemala waking up this morning to fight The Rest Of The World, and by days end, kicking its ass!

Welcome back Tiger!
You have been missed.

Ps: Yes there will be those who are anti-Tiger due to his recent sexcapades, but from a golfing perspective, there is no denying that the golfing world was not the same without Tiger.

The Weekend Warrior

I think i'm experiencing the very definition of a perfect weekend.
Friday night started off with dinner at one of my favourite restaurants.
Saturday was spent on the golf course, and in the evening we had my golfing buddy George over with his wife Katie and her best friend Sarah, along with the kids. Great company, more great food, and the perfect end to the day.

This morning I was booked to play golf again at 7:30am!
I set my alarm for 6am, and went to bed around midnight.
Promptly at 6am my alarm went off, and while the process of getting done and ready for my golf day played out in my head, my body decided to go on strike and refused to comply.

So today I plan on being a lounge lizard and do nothing but read, maybe a bit of writing, and watch some of the movies i've stored on the PVR.

Yep, definitely the definition of a perfect weekend.