Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Life Begins At 40

I feel so much wiser suddenly. More mature even. More grown-up almost.
I feel like my grandfather (who quite possibly became a grandfather by the age of 40!)

It's like I went to bed on the 22nd of January, the night before my birthday, and woke up on the day of my birthday with a Wisdom Elixir. That and a bigger belly.
Or maybe, just maybe, somewhere in the run-up to this milestone birthday, I realized that letting go is the greatest reward you can give yourself.

Letting go of everything and everybody that holds you back.
Letting go of every thought and memory that casts a dull cloud over a sunny disposition.
Letting go of people's perceptions of you, and realizing that it's more important to think of yourself highly than for others to do so.

I used to sign my emails off a few years ago with the tagline "Fight The Good Fight."
In all honesty I never really took the time to fully understand what that meant. I do now. We spend our lives putting out petty fires that never really threaten the well-being or livelihood of the forest. We get so engrossed in righting every wrong that we lose focus of simply enjoying the moment for what it is.

Sometimes letting go means having to walk away from people or situations that at one point meant all the world to you.
Sometimes it's your closest and dearest friends.
Sometimes it's your very livelihood and work environment.
Sometimes, yes sometimes, it's family.
There really is only so much you can do and give of yourself before you need to let go and move on. Find another pasture, another wolf-pack, another crew.

Last year I found my crew. I found the group of crazy individuals who make me feel whole. People I can let my hair (what little hair I have left) down in front of, laugh until my belly aches with, and even wear my silk gown in front of on a night out at a fancy restaurant :)

In them I have found my garden of youth, and as with any garden, I guess it will constantly need pruning and have the weeds removed.... but I feel as though it's a garden I belong in.
The night of my birthday was special for many reasons.
Having such dear friends stand up and tell me why I mattered to them, why I wasn't insignificant, and why the friendship lives and breathes was the kind of gift you could never put a price or value on.
For this and for having them in my circle of friends, I am truly honored and grateful.

People always start the year off saying "This is the year for change."
That's great, just as change is great. Except when you're 6 months into the year and haven't changed a thing. Step 1 for me was to stop hoarding. Stop hoarding people in my life like they were old bicycle parts which were never going to be of any help or value. Let go of the clutter. Focus on what matters and forget about what doesn't. If the fire is not going to burn down the forest, stop trying to put it out. Let it burn itself out.

And find your wolf-pack :)