Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Walking Away Because You Care

When I first started this blog, it was never intended to tackle or address any serious issues. It was always meant to be light-hearted and an escape from reality.
I've come to realize that there has been a slow and steady metamorphosis, and while I hope I haven't completely lost the humour aspect, I do realize that it's taken on a much more serious note.

Tonight's post is a point in case.

I have a very dear friend whom I've known for about 10 years now. I say 'have' but the reality is that 'had' would be more accurate.

In the 10 year's that I know her, I've watched her slowly but surely lose her self-confidence and pride as it was methodically chipped away by her husband. He has a drinking problem. This was an issue for her which they were managing within their marriage. I say 'managing' but she will be the first to admit that it was more a case of accepting that he would not acknowledge having a problem, and she was forced to hide it.

Last year things took a turn for the worse.
He got caught cheating on her, with a family member. Her brother's wife.
Now one would imagine that a successful guy, a professional in his field of IT, would have a little bit of common sense and a slightly higher IQ than most, and acknowledge that he screwed up and try his level best to make amends.
Not our intrepid loser.
He decided in a moment of brilliance that his best defence would be to start accusing her of having had an affair too, with everybody and anybody under the sun. He tried to play the Victim card.
At one point, even I got accused. Unfortunately for him, I'm one of those men who doesn't play games and smells a rat before it even knows its a rat. I let him know that I'm onto his ploy, and that it wasn't going to work.

He'd go on drinking binges, emotionally abuse her, accuse her, their two kids would be traumatized, she'd end up crying, he'd be too drunk to care, and then they'd wake up in the morning to have him apologise and swear he'd never do it again.
Until the next night.
And the next.
And the next.

Through all of this, she'd speak to me and ask for advice and look for support. I did the best I could but knew that she needed professional help. He refused to go. She went alone. She ended up in hospital from a near nervous breakdown.
He didn't change.

Finally she decided that she had enough, and left on Monday intending to spend two weeks at a retreat for abused women.
She's back home tonight.
She was away for a total of 1 night.
Apparently he called saying he's sorry.
He didn't eat all day.
She says she needed to go back home. Her family needs her.
I wonder how much help she'd be to her family if, God forbid, she collapsed tomorrow from a nervous breakdown or  heart-attack? I wonder if her husband will starve because nobody made him a sandwich?

I told her I needed to close the door on our friendship.
If she's not willing to help herself, I cannot help her, try as I might.

Am I a bad friend, or am I just someone who cares enough to walk away in the hope that she opens her eyes before it's too late?

Monday, November 28, 2011

Phombo, Or "Damn This Site Is Awesome!"

I literally stumbled upon a photo-collection site this evening during another one of my random Googlings.
See, how it works (the random Googlings, I mean) is quite simple. I think of a word, which isn't actually a word, but one which sounds like it could possibly be a word in another language... and then I Google it.
You'll be surprised by what you can find out there in Google-land simply by typing in random odd sounding words.

Like Phombo.
Check out Phombos site here

Here's why I like the idea of random Googlings.
Remember that craze a few years back where everybody and their donkey was buying a copy of "The Book Of Answers", which incidentally is now available in a really cool online version here ?
Well this kind of works the same way. Some days you just want to read or browse something completely random. Oddly I find that when I do a random Googling, it opens up a page which is precisely what I need at that point in time. Like a soul-food drive-through. Quick and fulfilling.

Like tonight for example. I felt like browsing some Chinese art, since I'm going through an artsy flourish where I'm in the process of decorating my home in all things creative and beautiful.

This would look amazing next to the Japanese frames I have with random words written on them. Apparently the three frames which I have are supposed to have Luck, Prosperity & Health inscribed on them. I have no idea if this is true though. They could just as easily read Stupid, Indian & Guy.

During my trip to Hong Kong, I went to a museum with some amazing artworks. At least I thought they were amazing. The locals seemed more impressed with Hentai and Hello Kitty sketches. It's interesting to note how desensitized we have become to the beauty that surrounds us. I guess that's why travel will never cease. People will continuously be amazed by other cultures and lands, while those lands and their people will take for granted the beauty they possess.

I guess the same can be said for us as a people.
In our friendships, in our relationships, in our everyday lives.
We are surrounded by beauty everywhere. Our spouses, our partners, our family and friends, in the work we do and the words we speak and the things we create. Yet we never take the time out to step back, look upon the blessings we have, and go "Wow! Beautiful!"

Instead we travel thousands of miles to foreign lands only to speak those same words to complete strangers.

What an odd species we are.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

The Price Of Perfection

Well I learned a rather important lesson today. More important than the usual lessons I learn on any other day, and I am always humbled by how much there is to learn out there.

Having worked in the field of commercial property maintenance and renovations for a few years now, I've come to accept a certain required standard from my clients, and they have come to accept the same if not a higher standard from me.
So I'm always surprised when a client based overseas and who is notorious for being unreachable during the best of times, questions my decision during a rather big project to improve on an aspect of the job which clearly needed it. Protocol usually requires confirmation from client, but when you've been given Carte Blanche to make time-sensitive decisions if a client is unreachable, you would think your judgement will be respected.

The project looks great. The cost implication was an added 10%. In light of the bigger picture, it's a small price to pay.
Maybe it's easier to say this since I'm not the one paying the additional 10%.
Maybe it's my ego and pride at stake because I demand a certain level of expertise from myself. I could have done the project without undertaking the additional aspect, but that would have annoyed me to no end. I would never have put it in my portfolio. It would have been a blemish on my record, even if the client thought otherwise.

I guess therein lies the answer.
Sometimes client's are just morons and don't know whats best for them.
Maybe I'm the moron and this is the price I pay for perfection.

Here endeth the rant.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

How To Ruin A New Brand 101

It's been a while since I've last had to rant about either a product or customer service.
My avid readers to the blog are in for a treat, for today I get to do both, and coincidentally it's about a product from the same brand.

About a month ago, I walked into my local Spar and did what I do almost every day for the past few years. I purchased a large bottle of Ice Tea. Considering that I spend my entire day driving around between different sites, this has become my staple refreshment. On this particular day, I noticed that there was a new brand perched enticingly next to my usual Lipton Rooibos.
Amila Ice Tea Peach.

Now I'm willing to try anything once, so I figured this was worth a shot.
Luckily I decided to open the bottle and take a much needed swig before climbing into my vehicle, or I may have needed to send my car in for a full valet!
Ice Tea was never meant to be a fizzy drink. Neither was it supposed to taste like a cheap wine fermented in a backyard shack in Kimberley!
This drink managed to achieve both.

Since there was no contact number on the offending bottle, I Googled the company, sent them an e-mail, and recieved an immediate response.
0 points for product.
10 points for Customer Service at this point.

Apparently the problem was due to fermenting of a batch of Ice Tea's which were being bottled by a new sub-contractor. Fair enough. A valid excuse which I was impressed that they were honest enough to share with me, instead of the usual "We have no idea what went wrong" drivel.
I was promised feedback and told I would recieve a replacement within a few days.
It's been a month and I have recieved neither.
Well that's not completely accurate. I did recieve 3 emails apologising for the delay/oversight/and/and/and.
0 points for product.
0 points for Customer Service.

My final verdict : A brand whose ice-tea should be flat and handling of customer service fizzy. Unfortunately they have it the wrong way around.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Scents And Sensibility

When the Monday morning post starts off with a pic of toilet roll, you just know the week has gone to shit before it even started.
Not just any toilet roll.
This is that premium variety of 3-ply scented toilet roll.
Seriously, who's using scented toilet-roll? I get the 3-ply thing, but scented? Why? What for?
You're wiping your butt with it, not wrapping wedding gifts in it, for crying out loud!
How stupid and naive must you be to believe that toilet roll which is Fruit Basket scented is going to make your butt smell like an orchard or an aisle in Fruit & Veg City?

Which brings me to my next rant.
We all know that everybody has them. We all know that everybody has the right to exercise them.
How about if we all respected each others right to voice them? Honestly people, it's gotten to the point where we believe the only opinion which one is allowed to have and voice, is our own. If anybody disagrees with what we have to say, we declare war and want to see blood.
What total crap! What kind of sick society must we live in when someone is too afraid to voice an opposing viewpoint for fear of being lambasted? Yet we want to call ourselves educated and western, living in a democracy? How foolish have we become to silence debate simply because we don't accept someone else's point of view?

This happened to me twice this weekend.
The first time was when a friend near beheaded me for having voiced a sporting opinion which he disagreed with. Out went the right to respectfully disagree, in came the battering ram & armour. Of course he was rather silent when my point was proven less than 24 hours later.

The next occasion was earlier this morning.
I watched a show on SABC2 titled "Muslim Identity".
I thought the content was thought provoking and inspiring. I found the guests to be objective and progressive in their thinking. With religion being such a complex and diverse topic, it would be near impossible to showcase every single viewpoint. The Bible has more than one version. The Holy Quraan has just one. Yet the Muslim world knows and understands that in the final days, there will be 73 different sects or variations of this one simple religion. How then could the producers cater for every single possible variation of just one Holy Book, taking into consideration that each group believed themselves to be the chosen ones?

Having said that, I found it interesting that for such an inspiring program, there were groups within the community who completely lost sight of the bigger picture and focused solely on their egos. Religious leaders and elders have done much in our communities to foster brotherhood and a sense of belonging, but they must be the first to admit that this brotherhood and belonging was the exclusive domain of their own people. There's a reason why non-Indians who came into the fold of Islam felt ostracized by the Indian community at large. Saying that this is not true is as insulting as telling a black person that they misunderstood Apartheid. You cannot assume to understand what others have had to endure, if you yourself have never been in that position.
So it was with a saddened heart that I watched our religious leaders & elders chastise the efforts of a few scholars simply because they felt that sufficient credit hadn't been bestowed their way.
What say them of humility and pride? What say the good book of those very same virtues?

Instead of seizing upon the opportunity to begin earnest dialogue to address the obvious social problems highlighted in the documentary, these men of cloth and their merry band of zealots chose to become that which they preach to be despised by God himself.
If I decided to feed the poor by offering them cake instead of bread, would you honestly criticize me for my actions instead of assisting by offering bread as well?
I would rather you roll up your sleeves and join me, then stand on the side and bark ridicule at my efforts.

I think the problem is partly due to the fact that religious leaders, and this is true of every religion, hate being questioned or having their authority challenged. With the advent of the internet, it has made it rather difficult for them to be the bastions of scripture, Quraanic verse and 'hadith' as we call it in Arabic.
Assuming our religious leaders are never wrong is as dangerous as likening them to faultless beings. You know what became of faultless beings back in the day, right? They were idolized and ultimately worshipped for their lack of faults. Imagine if people today had this view of some of our .... Oh wait!

Anyways, I guess what I'm saying is that we have our holy book and teachings as guides to help us become better human beings. How about we start applying the practical aspects to being better human beings before we decide to dissect the scripture, Quraanic verse and hadith looking for faults within others?
"Let him who has not sinned cast the first stone."

I wait with baited breath for bigots and zealots to berate and castigate me for having quoted from the Bible instead of the Quraan.

Oh woe is me....

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Food For Thought

This post was almost titled "The Theory Of Pie".
I say 'almost' because as soon as I thought of Pie, I took a break from blogging, headed for the kitchen, and the rest was a foregone conclusion.

Recently I've noticed that the common thread in blogs I follow and even amongst friends on Twitter, has been the issue of weight. More so than usual, as I'm well aware that no self-respecting men's or ladies magazine would dare publish an issue without a section dedicated to weight-loss.
I've been planning an exercise regiment for some time now. I'm generally fit as my job description doesn't allow for me to be a slacker by any stretch of the imagination, but I do know that I could do without the extra 10kilos courtesy of MacDonalds.

This brings me to the meat of this post; the crust of the matter if you must.
The lengths people would go to in order to achieve weight loss is simply astounding! I stumbled across a post on Health24 regarding some crazy diets. How's this for The 10 Most Crazy Diets Ever ?

Believe it or not, people are still using that Tapeworm Diet. I've heard of a few others. The Coffee Diet, which is pretty self-explanatory. Then there's this new fad where you drink a grain or soya smoothie every morning and every night for 10 days, and nothing else. Supposedly the crazy folk on this diet say that you spend the buk of your time seated on the loo for these 10 days, but looking into the pan convinces them that their insides and excess fat are being unceremoniously evacuated. Not a pleasant thought. I don't look into the pan on a good day, why would I look into it while on this crazy diet?

You would think that all these pharmaceutical companies would have already figured out a diet that requires no effort but has the desired results. We can send a man to the moon, but we can't make a magic pill that makes you lose weight. Don't get me wrong. I love my body just the way it is, and I love a woman's body that has some meat on it. Bones are for dogs. But for those who so desire, for those who want to shed a few kilos, and there are times when I do too, I'd like to know that I can just pop a pill and watch the fat disappear.

I'll leave you with this site about The 5 Most Disgusting Foods Ever

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

And Then She Was 5

We attended my nephews 5th birthday party over the weekend.
I think I'm at that age where my head think's my body is a teenager, and my body think's my head needs to calm down and read the Sunday paper and drink some tea.

Sabreen still think's I'm at the prime of my youth, and I guess that's all that really matters :)

I've come to realize that Sabreen has a more active social life at her age then I ever had in my entire life. That's no exagerration. She's pretty much booked up for parties and events until the middle of December. I don't even have a clue what I'll be doing this coming weekend!

The missus and I spend an average of 3 hours a night each on our laptops, and Sabreen has become quite adapt at using either. Shakera and I tossed around the idea of getting her started on her own, since there's no definitive answer on the question "When is too soon?"
Finally we decided on getting her an iPad.
It completely amazes me how tech-savvy kids are these days. She's able to use the laptop and iPad with the ease and comfort of a seasoned gamer.

In a way I suppose it's all good, getting them started this early. I do worry though that kids nowadays have lost touch with the essence of growing up and what it really means to enjoy their youth. As parents we're caught in this quagmire of wanting to hold them back and be children as we remember children to be, or letting them learn and excel and not get left behind as the rest of the world steams ahead in technology.

I don't know what the answer is. I wish I did.
Maybe tonight I'll get Sabreen to Google the answer.

Thursday, November 10, 2011


I have a sneaky suspicion that this post may ruffle a few feathers.
I certainly hope it does, or else the entire purpose of this blog has been futile.

I was at a friends place this weekend, and he had all these little prayers stuck on his walls and doors and windows and plastered all over his kids room. Little prayers (or 'duas' as we call them in Arabic) for almost anything and everything... before eating, after eating, while washing hands, before going into the loo, on leaving the loo, on entering the house, on leaving the house, before sleeping, on waking up, while doing nothing. You name it and there was a corresponding prayer to go with it.

I thought this was great. I'm all for closeness to God and teaching kids about religion.
His boy is 6 and his little girl is 8.
Needless to say, they knew every single one of these prayers by heart, in Arabic. It rolled off their tongues as easily as you and I might sing a Michael Jackson song. Maybe even easier.

As a Dad he must have been so proud. I think he was actually. I was too busy being impressed to be anything else.
The little boy bonded with me like I was Santa Clause bearing candy. Finally at 9pm he asked if I'd put him to bed. His mom nodded her approval and off I went with this kid in tow. I tucked him in and before I could ask if he wanted me to read him a story, he started on his prayer before going to bed. The Arabic words bouncing off his tongue like the sweet sounds of a nightingale. When he was done, I asked him what it all meant. Of course I knew what it meant, since I was taught in very much the same way but for one exception: We were told to recite the English translation as well. I noticed that neither of these kids did that when reciting their prayers.

He looked at me incredulously and completely perplexed. It's always fascinating when a kid looks at you in words they cannot even spell, let alone understand.
So I asked him again if he could tell me what the prayer he had just read in Arabic, actually meant.
Finally, with a look of exasperation, he shrugged his shoulders and said simply "No, I don't."
It's at this point that I stopped being so impressed with his memory skills, or that of his sister for that matter.

Like I said earlier, I'm all for religion and closeness to God.
But if kids are being brought up like parrots, taught to recite prayers in the language of the Holy Book without fully understanding what it is that they are reciting, or made to understand why they should be reciting a prayer for each of those instances, then I am afraid we are doing them and the religion a disservice.

I was taught the Lords Prayer at an early age, but I was first taught the reason why the Lords Prayer is recited. Made to understand it's purpose. At age 6 I started attending Islamic School or Madressah as we call it. At night I was grilled on what we had learned, and here's where these teachings between Islam and Christianity began to take on a beauty of their own. My evenings would be spent in discussion about the similarities between the religions, and I was forced to expand my thinking and understanding of the things I had been taught. Yes, I was forced to hone and polish that scarcely used human attribute that was so prevalent in years gone by: I was forced to use common sense.

This post is not and should not only be relevant to religion. It should be relevant to everyday life, and in everything we do. If we just applied some common sense and removed the blinkers society and our upbringing has placed on us, we would need less governance from elders and teachers and ultimately, governments.

If somebody sat down with those nutters from Al-Qaeda and the Talibaan and Al-Shabaab and The Lords Resistance Army and Hitler and half the Spanish and English Kings and the Israelis and every terrorist from every faction fighting whatever cause they believe is worthy of an innocents death... if somebody just got them to start using common sense in their ideologies, I promise this world would be a better place.
I watched a show last night wherein a guy was talking about how we've lost our ability to think, and how we've left it up to a higher authority to do our thinking for us.
Here's the example he gave : 20 years ago, if you were walking down the road and saw an open manhole, you'd use your brain and walk around it. Why? Because your common sense would have told you to.
Today, people see an open manhole, ask themselves "I wonder what would happen if I jumped into it?" then proceed to jump into said manhole. Next thing you know, they're sueing the government or municipality for not having put up signs saying "Don't be a moron and jump into this manhole!"

I shudder at the thought of how little of our intellect and common sense we will exercise 20 years from now. Will we need a higher authority to give us permission to get out of bed in the morning and take a pee? What happens if that order only comes around lunchtime? Will we be a nation of bedwetters because nobody told us to use common sense?

It's when we as parents start bringing up robots with no idea of how to challenge their minds and further their intellect that we do ourselves, our kids and society at large a huge disservice.

If there's one thing I hope to instill in Sabreen at the tender age of 5, it would be the confidence to question. To continuosly ask "Why?". To question everything, not in the pursuit of being pedantic, but rather to gain an understanding of why we do the things we do.
I watched with interest in my early years as our religious teachers and even those at school heaped on us kids a barrage of Do's and Dont's. We were always told never to question, just to accept. The very first time I did question, I was ridiculed. It was 30 years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday.
A teacher at Islamic School (or Moulana at Madressah as we would refer to it) said that God had a reason for every single thing that he did and everything that he had created.
I never doubted that, but that didn't stop me from being curious. So I asked said Moulana "Why do men have nipples?"
I was 6 at the time. Firstly, I wasn't supposed to know what nipples were, let alone use them in a sentence.
I got taken to the Principles office for being rude, and he was quite obstinate that my question was a sign of rudeness.

When my parents were called in, they defended me by saying "How is anyone supposed to learn without asking questions?"
I've never stopped asking questions since.
It's also the reason why I'm not afraid to push the envelope and test the barriers, as can be seen on this very blog or if you follow me on Twitter.

I'm expecting some of my more ardent religious readers and fans to begin lambasting me for my views.
I don't mean to offend. I'm simply voicing an opinion and letting the world know that I for one am taking a slightly different approach.
Less dogmatic, more pragmatic.

Health, Wealth, & Happiness

Sometimes, things are not what they seem.
Sometimes, we take things too literally. If we just allowed ourselves to look a little deeper, think a little more lateral and a little less literal, we may see more and learn more.

Like health, wealth, and happiness.

Is it really all about being healthy enough to make money and live happily after?
Or could it possibly be that the wealth bit has absolutely nothing to do with money?

I had an amazing day today. Well in fairness I have regular amazing days, but I've come to realize that my happiness is directly related to my emotional wealth, and since I'm happy and feel wealthy by virtue of the fact that I'm surrounded by some amazing people, naturally I feel healthy too.

Now before you think I've smoked too much weed or spent the afternoon with a Jehova's Witness or a Tik addict, let me elaborate.

I've blogged before about my views on friendship, and especially my views on 'Best Friends'... but there are people in our lives who fall into a category so special, that neither of these tags could do the bond or relationship justice.
I'm blessed to have such people in my inner circle. Sure I can count them on one hand, but that's a very special hand if I may say so myself.

This post is dedicated to those special people.
You know who you are :)

"All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere and somehow there is someone searching for us."
-The Wonder Years

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Medium Rare or Well Done?

An interesting question got posed to me after one of my random tweets earlier today.

This was my Tweet : "I'm not a big believer in the concept of Heaven And Hell, but I do believe people who forward religious chainmail are knobs."

You can see why this would stir religious debate, right?
You can't?
OK. Let's dissect it since nothing could be more fun. Well OK there are countless things that would be more fun, but none would give me the opportunity to poke my finger in the eye of zealots and bigots as much as this would.

Now for those of you who know my views on religion, you will know the kind of liberal upbringing I was blessed to have. For those who don't, you might want to visit this post for a better understanding of me as regards religion.

Anyways, back to this Heaven and Hell business.

Do I believe in it? , that was the question posed to me.
My simple answer is NO.
I don't.

Well at least not the brand of Heaven and Hell that is preached to us by the masters of religion. Not the version that includes demons and dragons and snakes if you've been a bad ass on earth, and certainly not the version of milk and honey and nubile waifs if you've been saving your bad deeds for when you finally meet said waifs.

I think these depictions of Heaven and Hell as we've become accustomed to in scripture and folklore are purely metaphorical, and not meant to be taken literally.

Right about now there's a religious zealot jumping up and down screaming for my head as punishment for questioning what the good books have told us all along.
Well Boo Hoo!
I'm more of a spiritualist than a religious believer.
I believe in the goodness of man and the essence of goodness begetting goodness.
Speak to me of burning souls and demons and snakes and you've lost me as a listener, or a believer in your brand of religion.

Religious leaders have for years realized that the easiest tool to rule the masses by is the tool of Fear.
Give them something to fear, and by default you've given them something to believe in.
The two go hand in hand like Priests and alter-boys.
You know what also goes hand in hand? Religion and Money.
The Church of England and the Vatican. Two of the wealthiest organizations on the planet, and neither pays tax. You don't believe me? Google it.

I like the IDEA of there being a Heaven and a Hell, but let's be honest here... with humanity as we know it, how long do you honestly believe a Heaven or Hell can exist before someone comes along and tries to divide the place into Believers & Non-Believers, Blacks and Whites, Straights & Homosexuals, Regular Folk & Midgets, Democrats & Republicans (in the case of Hell).... and so on and so forth?
So for me to even begin to imagine myself kicking back with my shoes off, watching the sunset surrounded by nubile young flesh and milk and honey flowing all around me like a burst sewer in a Thai flood, just doesn't sound that appealing if I know some other retard made it into Heaven too and has plans to divide the place.

Besides, my neighbours kid is generally good. A bit of a nerd who's forever in his room, probably doing nothing worse than masturbating to Madonna videos. He couldn't harm a fly. His track record indicates he has a pretty good chance of making it into Heaven though.
Do I really want to spend eternity hanging out with him, or would I rather be where all the naughty girls are hanging out?

Now every religion believes that they are the answer to every question ever posed.
Honestly, I believe mine is too. I believe my religion has the answers. But that's a personal belief. Not something I'll be going around trying to ram down everyone's throat and calling them 'Infidels' if they don't believe, or having crusades against them if their views differ from mine, or starting concentration camps to round up those who believe otherwise.

You want to know what religions have really achieved in all the years they've been around?
Read this 

In conclusion, I'm always wary of anyone from any religion who spews vitriol about who's going to heaven and who's going to Hell, as though God made them His sidekick just in case He had an off day. This isn't the Karate Kid. Theres no Mr Miyagi and Daniel San.
There's just God (for those who believe in him).
For those who don't, well, I guess they get a choice between Mr Miyagi and Daniel San.

Lastly, if anyone deserves to go to Hell, it's those bottom-feeders who are daft enough to believe that sending out an email which ends with "If you don't send this to 10 people in the next 5 minutes, God will punish you and you will go to hell and your ovaries/ nutsack will fall off in a cancerous heap at your feet."
You honestly believe this was God's design?
Forwarding daft emails? THAT's going to get you to Heaven?
Then Heaven must be jam-packed with some real dumb-ass retards who quite frankly I'm better off not knowing.

I have a very simple rule.
Forward me a religious chainmail by email or bbm or sms, and I promise that I will block you forever.
Not because I want to, but because that's what God said I should do.
No seriously, he did.

Here endeth the rant.