Thursday, November 3, 2011

Medium Rare or Well Done?

An interesting question got posed to me after one of my random tweets earlier today.

This was my Tweet : "I'm not a big believer in the concept of Heaven And Hell, but I do believe people who forward religious chainmail are knobs."

You can see why this would stir religious debate, right?
You can't?
OK. Let's dissect it since nothing could be more fun. Well OK there are countless things that would be more fun, but none would give me the opportunity to poke my finger in the eye of zealots and bigots as much as this would.

Now for those of you who know my views on religion, you will know the kind of liberal upbringing I was blessed to have. For those who don't, you might want to visit this post for a better understanding of me as regards religion.

Anyways, back to this Heaven and Hell business.

Do I believe in it? , that was the question posed to me.
My simple answer is NO.
I don't.

Well at least not the brand of Heaven and Hell that is preached to us by the masters of religion. Not the version that includes demons and dragons and snakes if you've been a bad ass on earth, and certainly not the version of milk and honey and nubile waifs if you've been saving your bad deeds for when you finally meet said waifs.

I think these depictions of Heaven and Hell as we've become accustomed to in scripture and folklore are purely metaphorical, and not meant to be taken literally.

Right about now there's a religious zealot jumping up and down screaming for my head as punishment for questioning what the good books have told us all along.
Well Boo Hoo!
I'm more of a spiritualist than a religious believer.
I believe in the goodness of man and the essence of goodness begetting goodness.
Speak to me of burning souls and demons and snakes and you've lost me as a listener, or a believer in your brand of religion.

Religious leaders have for years realized that the easiest tool to rule the masses by is the tool of Fear.
Give them something to fear, and by default you've given them something to believe in.
The two go hand in hand like Priests and alter-boys.
You know what also goes hand in hand? Religion and Money.
The Church of England and the Vatican. Two of the wealthiest organizations on the planet, and neither pays tax. You don't believe me? Google it.

I like the IDEA of there being a Heaven and a Hell, but let's be honest here... with humanity as we know it, how long do you honestly believe a Heaven or Hell can exist before someone comes along and tries to divide the place into Believers & Non-Believers, Blacks and Whites, Straights & Homosexuals, Regular Folk & Midgets, Democrats & Republicans (in the case of Hell).... and so on and so forth?
So for me to even begin to imagine myself kicking back with my shoes off, watching the sunset surrounded by nubile young flesh and milk and honey flowing all around me like a burst sewer in a Thai flood, just doesn't sound that appealing if I know some other retard made it into Heaven too and has plans to divide the place.

Besides, my neighbours kid is generally good. A bit of a nerd who's forever in his room, probably doing nothing worse than masturbating to Madonna videos. He couldn't harm a fly. His track record indicates he has a pretty good chance of making it into Heaven though.
Do I really want to spend eternity hanging out with him, or would I rather be where all the naughty girls are hanging out?

Now every religion believes that they are the answer to every question ever posed.
Honestly, I believe mine is too. I believe my religion has the answers. But that's a personal belief. Not something I'll be going around trying to ram down everyone's throat and calling them 'Infidels' if they don't believe, or having crusades against them if their views differ from mine, or starting concentration camps to round up those who believe otherwise.

You want to know what religions have really achieved in all the years they've been around?
Read this 

In conclusion, I'm always wary of anyone from any religion who spews vitriol about who's going to heaven and who's going to Hell, as though God made them His sidekick just in case He had an off day. This isn't the Karate Kid. Theres no Mr Miyagi and Daniel San.
There's just God (for those who believe in him).
For those who don't, well, I guess they get a choice between Mr Miyagi and Daniel San.

Lastly, if anyone deserves to go to Hell, it's those bottom-feeders who are daft enough to believe that sending out an email which ends with "If you don't send this to 10 people in the next 5 minutes, God will punish you and you will go to hell and your ovaries/ nutsack will fall off in a cancerous heap at your feet."
You honestly believe this was God's design?
Forwarding daft emails? THAT's going to get you to Heaven?
Then Heaven must be jam-packed with some real dumb-ass retards who quite frankly I'm better off not knowing.

I have a very simple rule.
Forward me a religious chainmail by email or bbm or sms, and I promise that I will block you forever.
Not because I want to, but because that's what God said I should do.
No seriously, he did.

Here endeth the rant.