Princess Sabreen's 5th Birthday

I remember my 5th birthday like it was yesterday.
There were thousand's of people singing and dancing and waving their arms in the air and blowing vuvuzela's and cheering and.... oh wait, that was the England vs Germany game in last years FIFA Soccer World Cup.

So Sabreen turns 5 on the 28th of July, and I'm still dumbstruck at how quickly the time has gone by. It really does seem like it was just yesterday that she was learning to crawl and then walk.Suddenly she's at school and already wanting to know when she can expect her own Blackberry and Laptop!

Kid's parties today are nothing like they were back in my day.
Back then, a kid's party consisted of 2 glass bottles of 1 liter Fanta Orange, a bag of Nik Naks, some smarties and a few balloons. Some of those balloons even had Merry Christmas on them, but it didn't matter as long as you had your best friends with you.
We'd dress up in our Sunday best, polished shoes and neatly cut hair. We'd help our folks put up the ribbons and brightly coloured tissue paper across the dining room walls. Our friends would arrive armed with the coolest gifts like a coloring-in book which already had 2 pages done, plastic toy guns, left-over fireworks from the Diwali festival the month before, and the most awesome handmade birthday cards. Everybody got to play with your toys before the candles on the cake were even blown out, and by the time the cake was cut there wasn't a single working toy left. You didn't really care. You were just glad to break them with your friends anyways.

The party usually started just after lunch on Sunday and ended either by 5pm or when the Fanta was finished, whichever came first. Party-packs given out by our folks to all the kids that attended was a highlight not to be missed. Sure it was just a little packet with a Chomp, a matchbox of Sherbert and a sucker inside, but it was proof enough that you were one of the cool kids invited to the grandest parties in the neighborhood.

Did I mention that these parties were usually planned a day or two before the event?

Today it's like planning a wedding or the invasion of a small European country.
There's choosing the venue, then planning the color-scheme and theme, outfits, invites, food and snacks, magicians and jumping-castle's and pony's and and and ...
Suggest a small gathering at home with a few friends and a cake and you might as well go to bed with the dinosaurs.

There's the school party which is regarded as the Official Birthday Party, and then there's the Casual Birthday Party which is usually reserved for family and cousins and neighbors. You can't have one without the other, but just like the Queen, the Official Birthday Party is the one we have to make the most fuss over. If for no other reason, than because other school mom's will be judging and using your party as a yardstick for all future events.
Try pulling off a budget-kiddies-party and your kid will be regarded as having grown up in the projects or council homes, with her cards saying "Shame" instead of "Happy Birthday."
Good luck scoring an invite to other kids parties. You've officially relegated your entire family, and more especially your son or daughter, to a life of ridicule and pity.

Ok so maybe I'm making it sound more drastic than it really is.
The fact is that on the day, watching your little Princess running about with her friends knowing that this day is all about her, and having her smile and laugh and give you hugs and kisses as she thanks you for being so awesome, makes it all worthwhile.

Besides, in about 20 years time you get to do it on an even grander scale with even greater expense, while you hope to still get hugs and kisses and thank you's for being the best parents ever. Then she drives off with her new husband who thinks you're a knob.

Aah the joys of parenthood!

It Takes A Village To Raise A Child

It Takes a Whole Village to Raise a Child

The last word of this poem, phat, is a slang word that means "pretty hot and tempting'' or "totally cool.'' Phat is also the Vietnamese name for the Buddha. So phat as I am using it means "totally Buddha cool.''

It takes a whole village to raise a child.
That is what a lot of indigenous cultures believed.
In Bali, when a new babe is born,
Everyone takes turn holding the babe for two years straight.
Not once during that time is the babe put down.

Dolphins do something very similar to that.
When a baby dolphin is born,
All dolphins come from all over---
It does not matter how far away---
To greet and take care of the new baby dolphin
That has just entered the world.

I was thinking, what if we as a society did the same?
What if it were not just up to the parents to raise the child
But the whole town?
What would the world be like if a baby were born,
And everyone came from all over
To greet the new Soul to the world
With gifts and love?

Am I and I alone responsible for my actions?
Maybe not.
I am responsible for my actions and others' actions.
Others are responsible for my actions and their actions.
It is never one-sided.
Think about it.

What would the world be like
If we all saw that child as our responsibility?
Oh, just imagine that.
Do you think we would still have crime
Or loneliness running rampant on the streets?
Just imagine what the world would be like if we lived like that.
Now that, my dear ones, is phat.

Poem by Jessica Mystic. Her website can be found here

My guests from Cape Town arrived yesterday, and already there is an air of holiday calmness and serenity lingering about. They leave for Zanzibar on Saturday, and had it not been for the cruise I'm booked to go on in November, we may have joined them on this vacation.

Abdullah, his wife Badeeah and their beautiful daughter Mila were our neighbours before they moved to the Cape.
The very first time I met them, I knew we'd be good friends... and have been ever since.

So this afternoon as we sat in my lush green garden even before the rains had arrived, we got to chatting about our  lives and our kids and how truly blessed we are for all that we have.

I realised that there will be many aspects of my upbringing that Sabreen will never ever experience. I have mixed emotions about this, as some are better left as memories whilst others would truly have been enriching experiences for her.

The one which relates to the poem above is probably my fondest childhood memory : Growing up in a neighbourhood where fences were used to unite the hedges, not divide the neighbours. Strange as this may sound, most of the houses in my neighbourhood never had boundary walls. We never had walls dividing one home from another. When I walked out our back door and looked left or right, I would be staring at the longest backyard you have ever seen, 10 houses down on either side!

It was awesome as a kid. We'd play soccer or cricket or Cops-And-Robbers in the backyard and it would be the longest field in the world.
Sometimes we'd unintentionally have the ball end up darting across the washing line of newly hung clothes, and we'd get our asses collectively whipped by whichever neighbour caught us.
I grew up knowing that having your ears boxed was not just a figure of speech.
Neither was laughing until we cried.

There were bonds formed growing up as kids that lasted and continue to last well into our own parenthood.

This is probably the single most valuable experience I wish Sabreen could experience.

We truly were brought up by an entire village back then.

Today things are completely different.
I've lived in my present home for over two years and have never once seen my neighbours on either side.
Our walls are competing with our pride, and our desire for privacy and security seems limitless.
The only time our children get to socialise outside of the family unit is when they are at school, or on the occassional family visit to the cousins.
Don't even get me started on playtime!
Our folks would be standing on that back porch calling out our names at dusk, unsure which yard we were playing in but totally reassured that whichever one it was, we were safe a sound.
Today it's all about the Nintendo Wii and the Playstation.
I have friend's who's kids could work up a sweat from all the video games they play.
They even get sport-injuries like finger-cramp and stiff-neck!

So tonight I dedicate Jessica's poem to all those parents who wish their kids could have a peek into the upbringing of a bygone era.