Yes folks, you read it here first.
I'll be starting The Kaloo Party within the next few weeks. Yes I know the name sounds like something from a Sri Lankan cookbook, but it's catchy, it's short and sweet while at the same time being loud and proud, but mostly I like it because it stands for truth, honesty, decency and everything ethical. Something that politics in this country and the world is in short supply of. The fact that it also includes my name is purely coincidental.
If America could vote that dumb ass George W Bush in for 2 rounds of Party Karate, and then replace him with OhBummer (or as the Iraqi's, Afghani's and Iranians will soon call him, OhBomber), then surely I have a chance in this beautiful corrupt majestic racist country I call South Africa.
If every one of my followers on Twitter ( @kaloo5 ) votes for me just twice (Hey, the ANC pulled that trick off in Limpompo some time back!) then I think I'll have a shot at being your next Premier.
I could do that job. Honestly I could.
Cassel Mathale who's the Premier of Limpompo (that's not a spelling error) has done such a splendid job of ensuring his friends and family are financially secure for the next 100 years, even if he had to bankrupt the province in the process. A shining example of what happens when central government (aka ANC) nominates their pals for top positions which may or may not include jeopardising the health, education and living standards of millions of people.
As an Indian, I feel so screwed over by this government it almost makes me miss the glory days of that shit storm we called Apartheid. How bad must a government be for you to want to go back to the worst period in your countries history?
That would be like the Germans being so pissed off with Angela Merckel that they wish they had Hitler back!
That's when you know you've hit rock bottom as a nation.
Speaking of rock bottom, why are we allowing all these crazy murderers the possibility of parole?
Somewhere between 'We the people' and 'We the Government', there is a huge breakdown in communication.
'We the people' ask for the death penalty.
'We the Government' give you.... wait for it.... drum roll.... Parole For Murderers!! YAY!!
Serious. Breakdown. In. Communication.
Two scumbags (Theuns Kruger and Frans Du Toit) slit the throat and belly of Alison Botha, leaving her for dead, and our governments response is to consider giving them an option of parole?
A total thug named Donovan Moodley cold-bloodedly kills Leigh Mathews after demanding a ransom from her family, goes to court, lies, gets convicted, then apologizes for lying and says he wants a new trial. Our courts response : Let's entertain this moron. It's not like our courts and judicial system are over-burdened already.
The other thing I don't get is this whole tax issue.
Sure I know that we need to pay taxes. I'm Indian. I can find a way around paying almost anything, but even I know not to mess with taxes. But can someone please explain to me where all those billions are going to?
I'm not an economist or politician (yet) but I'm sure I read somewhere in some manifesto that government was meant to use our taxes to make our lives easier, build schools and hospitals and infrastructure, like bridges and roads.
Wait! Did I just say roads?!
Funny that. If they're meant to be building roads, why are they building toll-roads and forcing us to buy eTags and be screwed over every month to maintain those roads? What am I missing here?
It's like taking the KFC drive-thru, ordering a bucket of chicken wings at Window 1, paying at Window 2, getting to Window 3 and being told 'That will be R39-95 Sir'.....
But I just paid at the last window?
'Sorry Sir, this is a Toll-Drive-Thru. We really don't give a rats ass that you paid already. Will that be Cash or Card Sir?'
As I said earlier, I'm really not in the mood of ranting. So I won't.
What I will do is pray for all those wonderful people on Medical Parole.
People like Schabir Shaik and Jackie Selebi. My prayers must be powerful. It worked for Tony Yengeni.
I thought I knew what Medical Parole meant once upon a time. I always thought it was a term reserved for those who were on the brink of death, imminent death I may add. So close to death that the Grim Reaper was parking outside while these deathly ill folk were inside getting dressed and ready.
Turns out the Grim Reaper enjoys a game of golf or two before he takes your soul. Even lets you cruise around in a BMW X5 or go out and buy Sunday hats for your wife while you're waiting to die. How cool is that?
So I'll be praying for all these Medical Parole guys, and while I'm at it I'll be praying that if any of my friends or family ever get caught screwing the country over for millions, they get Medical Parole too.
Until then, I guess I'll just keep blogging and working on my political party.
Don't forget to vote for The Kaloo Party.
Truth. Ethics. Democracy. And free iPads to the first 500 members.