Thursday, August 18, 2011

That's NOT Ayoba MTN!

The next call center agent to tell me my call is important to them is going to get a swift kick in the nuts!
Admittedly they would first need to answer the phone, and since the new favorite past-time of every call center is never to answer phones, I'm guessing that kick to the nuts is going to be on hold for a while.

Here's the thing that really annoys me.
You call a service provider, in my case today it was MTN, to speak to a person.
An actual living, breathing, eating, sleeping person.
And all you get is that annoying cow who keeps telling you to press digits on your phone for more options!



Seriously, words could not describe how much I hate her. She sounds like the same woman on every single automated call center system. I swear I've heard her voice on MTN, VODACOM and TELKOM. I'm sure she's the same cow who announces that your order is ready at Chicken Licken too.
If I ever meet her, I'm jamming a pitch-fork into her ovaries and twisting it like a spaghetti fork to make sure she never procreates.

If anyone from a call center is reading this, please could you send this message on to the rest of your vile crew and inform them that Al-Qaeda has identified all call center automated systems as being a tool of the infidel, and any company that uses the line "Your call is important to us" and promptly puts you on hold or asks you to key in digits while never getting an actual person to answer the damn call will in future be regarded as bomb-worthy.
I have this on good authority. Don't say you haven't been warned!

Seriously though, how difficult can it be?
I call with a problem. You pick up the phone. We talk. Problem solved.

Not with MTN though.
They want you to dance through hoops and listen to every menu on their system since the first cellphone was invented, and let's be honest here... nobody gives a rat's hairy arse about the items on the menu.
When was the last time you listened to an entire menu when calling your mobile service provider and went "Hey wow! They offer that service? Awesome! Let's press 7 and see what it's all about!"

We don't give a flying fanny about your 1700 additional service's MTN.
Don't tell me what's Ayoba.
Ayoba is when you answer my damn call.
Ayoba is when I get to speak to a person with a heartbeat.
Ayoba is keeping my call under 5 minutes and getting it sorted out in under that time.
What's NOT Ayoba is treating your customers as just another number.

I'm making a list of service providers who think it's OK to keep their customers on call center loops without actually getting a person to deal with their problems.
Next time any of those companies call me to tell say they haven't received my last payment, I'm telling them "Your call is important to me. Press 5 for accounts. Press 9 for more options."

Let's see how they like that.

Speaking of call center loops.... (where they simply have you holding on forever pressing random numbers for even more random menus without ever picking the damn phone up so you can speak to somebody who eats and poops and knows the difference).... I'm wiling to bet my left testicle that there's a guy in the MTN call center loop who's been holding on with his Nokia 5110 since 1997 wanting to know what an sms is.