Like Sheep To The Slaughterhouse

If you have a Blackberry, iPhone or other smartphone, or belong to social media platforms like Facebook or Twitter, it would be fair to assume that at some point or other you've been asked to forward a message for a cause of some sort or another.
Sometimes it's a charity drive for a kid with cancer, or someone needing a rare blood type, or bone marrow transplant. At other time's it's to highlight the shortcomings of individuals or business's.

While the advancement of technology has made it as easy as hitting the 'resend' or 'retweet' button to further a cause, how many of us have taken the time out to think of the repercussions of that simple click?

Being active on so many social media platforms has exposed me to some of the pitfalls of this "sofa activist" society we live in.
For some reason most offenders seem to be Blackberry users utilizing the BB Messenger platform as their soap-box.
I've had URGENT requests to help in the search of a rare blood group, something I take personally because I myself am such a rare blood group (AB+). Only 6% of people on earth are AB+. The people behind these broadcast messages turned out to be hoaxsters, and the message was of course a fraud.
I've had requests asking me to forward a broadcast message to at least 10 people on my contact list in the ridiculously laughable belief that AOL or Time Warner or some other conglomerate is going to pay money for each message forwarded. Really people. This scam is as old as the Nigerian 419 scam, yet some moron's continuously fall for it.
Do you know why the Nigerian 419 scam is the most profitable scam in the world?
Because the Nigerians very early on realized that there is always one idiot out there who will fall for it, and all they need is that one idiot. Believe it or not, there are hundreds of idiots falling for this scam every single month, all over the world. The fact that it's been the most widely reported by governments worldwide has not affected it's success one iota.

Now scams aside, the real issue I have with people sitting in the comfort of their homes eating NikNaks while  on their sofa's and forwarding these messages is that nobody is taking the time to verify anything!
Here's why this is so dangerous.
Earlier today I got a Blackberry Message saying "Please forward to all your contacts."
The message was about a reknowned tyre dealer who was accused of not allowing his staff the day off for religious holidays. The tone of the message and the content basically asked all who read it to boycott the company and never have any further dealings with them. Moreover, the sender clearly asks that this message be forwarded to as many people as possible until the word got to the owners of the business.

Less than an hour later I received an update from the sender, saying that the company had responded and the accusations were now assumed to be false.

How much of collateral damage to the business, it's brand and it's image was done in that hour?
How many people who willingly and blindly forwarded that initial message feel any remorse after learning that they had just forwarded a falsehood?
An untruth once spoken gets carried by the wind and can never be taken back.
Do these armchair activists realize that they are affecting peoples livelihoods and good names by their simple click of a single message?

Surely there must be a level of responsibility we apply to what we send to others as the truth, our truth, even if that truth turns out to be a lie? Rumor's have brought down nations and Presidents. How naive must we be to assume that a rumor cannot tarnish an innocent man going about his business, or a company not guilty of the accusations levelled against it by armchair activists?

I really am annoyed by people who prescribe to this type of despicable activity. They are no better than the arsonist or thief who burns down or steals from a business.

I've broadcast a message on my Blackberry telling all my contacts that if I receive any messages from them asking me to forward an unverified statement, I shall summarily delete them.

Remove their audience and you remove their soap-box.

The Art Of Listening

It really is an art, you know.
I grew up with a special kind of love for a good debate. Irrespective of topic, it's the one time when my skills of persuasion really shine through. If I've learned anything about debating in all the years that I've had the opportunity to be involved in one, it's that the best and most effective of debaters are those who listen more than they speak.

This is a fact. Allowing our opponents to ramble on also allows them to ramble into a wall, and a good debater will seize that opportunity to close his argument.

I watched two people on Twitter engage each other earlier today on a political issue, and it was the purest lesson on human weakness. I've always respected them both for their strong opinions, and their passion in expressing those opinions irrespective of opposing views. However, today the debate got so intense that they allowed their ego's to overshadow what could have been an amazing learning experience.
Suddenly you realize that the strong facade portrayed on Twitter masks a very weak and insecure character behind those tweets in reality.
I suppose this is true of most anybody on Twitter, myself included. I just wish people wouldn't allow themselves to lose control of their emotions on a social networking platform as easily as some obviously do.
Remember Nonhle Thema ?

These are some of the things I have learned and cherished over time:
* Never allow anger to be the driver of your tongue.
* Raise your argument, not your voice.
* Always maintain your composure.
* Even when opinions differ, mutual respect must never be negotiable.
* There are times when your silence makes a stronger argument than your words ever could.
* God gave you two ears and one mouth, so listen twice as much as you speak.

I guess these words are apt not only in the debating arena, but also in everyday life.
As guys we like to think that we are good listeners, but are we really?

Sometimes I find myself at the supermarket picking up milk, bread and toilet roll, because that's what I think I heard the missus say I should remember to buy.
Then I get home and realize she's on holiday in Durban and never really asked me to bring anything back at all.

You Say The Tweetest Things

I always knew that I have lots to say on any given day. Some may even call me opiniated. Yes, I have an opinion and I'm not afraid to voice it. I'm like Donkey in Shrek. I have layers. Like an onion. I make people cry. Like donkeys. Yes, I have an opinion that's full of layers and makes people cry like donkeys.

So when Twitter came along, it seemed like the perfect marriage. My opinions, and a platform to voice them. Now I'm not one of those people that get thrilled by follower counts on Twitter. On my blog, yes. Because reading the blog means you had to take the effort to click a link and actually want to read something I've written in more than 140 characters.
On Twitter, I'm pretty much in-your-face with constant random tweets that you can only get away from if you unfollow me. Clearly there's around 850 people who think I'm worth following on Twitter.

Imagine my surprise when I started hearing my Tweets mentioned on my favourite radio station, 5FM!
It started with Gareth Cliff early one morning, and then Grant and Anele, and then Sasha Martinengo who I ended up speaking to on air, and finally DJ Fresh who's now mentioned me a few times on his slot.

You know people liked what you said on Twitter when they retweet it so often, you end up becoming a Trending Topic. That happened today.
I got a message from a follower saying "Dude! @kaloo5 is a Trending Topic . Bloody well done!"

Today I got an interesting message from one of my Twitter followers who demanded, yes demanded to know why I haven't yet done stand-up comedy.
Honestly, it's something I would totally enjoy and I'm pretty sure I'd be a half-decent comedian, but I'm also sure I'm not very adapt at dodging tomato's. Not just yet.

Until then, my friends and followers will just have to put up with me on Facebook and Twitter @kaloo5

Happy tweeting!

Running Low On Fuel?

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Princess for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Princess over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Princess on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Princess?"

The little girl said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

Supper tonight at one of my favorite restaurants, The Schwarma Company in Norwood.
This place always reminds me of those Italian joints where the Mafia would hang out and have secret meetings in the back, and you always expected a shoot-out between rival gangsters armed with Tommy-guns and 38 Special revolvers.

Ok so Schwarma Company is nowhere near as violent, but it is a hangout for Lebanese folk.
I had a point with that statement.... hhmmm... moving on.
The most gratuitous violence I ever witnessed was the day a diner stepped on a cockroach, admittedly this was outside the restaurant before we could enter.

Having said that, it is an awesome eclectic mix of people who come through those doors, and the food is simply delicious. Owned by 2 Palestinian brother's or so I'm told, the food is authentically mediterranean and the portions are large enough to feed a small African village.
My favorite item on the menu however, is not a meal but rather a drink : the homemade lemonade!
Yum!

The last time I ate at Schwarma Company, I was mistaken for an Arab by someone who passed me and asked me something or the other in that eastern dialect. Maybe it was Egyptian or Hebrew. I'm not sure. Come to think of it he may just have been choking on some hummus.

Right... gotta go.
There's a dish with my name on it waiting for me.

Afro-Centric Sweets

Expect more of this if China takes over the world, and don't fool yourself into thinking that this will never happen. I think I mentioned this in a previous blog post, possibly the one about my visit to Maropeng and the Sterkfontein Caves, but I'm too lazy to check right now. Here's an interesting stat:

Population of the world : 6.6 Billion
Population of China : 1.6 Billion
Population of India : 1.4 Billion

At this rate, in 20 years time the world as we know it will consist of only Chinese and Indians. If you're neither of those right now, well, might I suggest you start eating rice and samoosas with chopsticks and learning to speak either Mandarin or Hindi.

I was watching Zeitgeist the other day , you know the conspiracy movie that debunks religion and pokes holes in America and it's foreign policy and a whole lot of other pokeable issues. Anyways, somewhere in the movie was this piece about how this secret society in America who are part of the Freemasons believe that the worlds population should not be more than 1 Billion people. All these wars and famines and diseases are apparently man-made to control world population.

Sounds far-fetched, I admit, but what's more scary is that it's a very real possibility. A group of crazy men out there want complete control of our planet and they will stop at nothing to get it. Now I generally wouldn't have a problem with their plan for world domination as I assume I'll be amongst the 1 Billion intelligent folk worth having around, but I'm pretty sure that the 5 Billion who must perish will include MacDonalds employees.
If this 'world population control' plan starts messing with my Happy Meal, I'm not going to be so happy anymore.

I'm just saying.

What's In A Name?

So my good friend Tanya mentioned on her Facebook page earlier today how many times she had been called Sonja, and it got me thinking. Clearly it doesn't take much to get me thinking :)
How many time's haven't we been called by names other than our own? It must surely be the most common of mistakes made by people you've either just met, or someone you're chatting to on the phone.

It's on the phone that most people get my name wrong. I've been called every variety of 'Fareed' you can imagine. Freed, Fred, Fried, you name it and I've probably been called it. That's the reason I introduce myself as Kaloo. You'd think that would be faultless and very hard a name to screw up, right? Wrong.
Carlo, Kallo, Carlow. The list goes on.

So just when I thought I must have the most difficult name to pronounce, or name's I wouldn't ever want to be called, along comes these absolute gems.

Thanks for the inspiration Sonja ;)

Casa de Kaloo : My Humble Abode In Pictures

 A few years ago we drove past this house with it's massive tree's and acres of land and wondered "Who lives there?"
Little did we know that some day, it would be our home :)
I always admired homes built with thatch roofs, but honestly never imagined myself living in one. Now that I am, I wonder how come I never made the decision sooner.

When we first moved in, it was around the end of Winter and the place looked rather grim and bare. The potential however was very evident.

I always said that some day I'd like a home with plenty of space, both indoors and out. This place certainly has both. This pic was taken before I commenced any upgrades and maintenance to the garden.

This is the view from the second entrance which we usually use for deliveries. Clearly the end of winter. I think I took these 'before' pics about 2 years back. Lot's has changed since then.

The first item on my list of areas requiring attention was the pool, especially with Summer knocking on the door. I love the foliage around the pool area. The pool is so deep, if I stood in the deepest end and raised my hands up, you still wouldn't see my fingertips! 8feet is what we measured it at.

Initially I wanted to have this area redone in wooden decking, but soon changed my mind when I realized how much the kids love sprawling on the cool bricks after a lazy swim.Lately it's become the ideal spot for Sunday brunches or Saturday breakfasts.

Note the difference in the garden after I had attended to it for a bit. The greenery and life was suddenly coming back, and that potential I once saw was slowly being realized. It's still a work in progress, but we've achieved quite a bit in the 2 years since moving in.

The exterior has these amazing creepers growing throughout. At first I intended having them removed, but as the garden started taking shape, I decided to keep that green look flowing. I'm glad I did :)

There's gnome place like home. This is Old Man Tod. He's charged with keeping order in the garden. He has a team of helpers scattered randomly throughout the property.

That's our driveway. I love the fact that you need to drive to the end of the driveway before you even get to see the actual house. I lined the driveway with those blue lights and had them repainted silver, so this pics rather old.

Lastly the organic garden. We had so much of land with fertile soil behind the house, I decided to try my hand at farming. Not too shabby me thinks. In the foreground is where we started the onions, tomato's and carrots. In the background you can see our usual crop of corn.

The most awesome thing about our home is the fact that it's like a little farm in the countryside when you're walking around the property, but in reality we are bang in the middle of a suburb 5 minutes away from Sandton! We don't hear the cars or the neighbours, and the kid's (when I say 'kids' I speak of Sabreen's cousins and friends of course) have a great time outdoors, never needing to be told to tone the noise level down. That in it's own is a blessing!
I lived in a townhouse when we first got married, and we always had to be aware of where she was and how much noise we were making. With the amount of entertaining we do, that's no longer an issue.

Phase 3 of my plans toward the perfect home will kick off soon.
In the meantime, I'm secretly plotting a mini golf-course before the missus get's any grand ideas of more flowerbeds in the garden.

The Winds Of Change

No I'm not talking about the weather.
My good friend Gwen Britz suggested some time back that I throw myself fully into my passion and see what comes of it. Two weeks of swimming in chocolate until I realized she meant 'writing'. Yes, that would be my other passion.

So earlier this week she sent me the link to a workshop for potential writers, where you get to meet other aspiring writers, some published writers, and then of course the big boys, the publishers themselves. I figured this is a brilliant opportunity to finally get published, since all my good work that I've been giving to my 12 year old niece has come to nothing. Quite frankly I'm starting to think that she was pretty useless as a publisher, especially after that last phone-call where she asked me 'So Uncle Kaloo, what exactly does a publisher do?"

Some of my writings have been in the papers, which I was rather impressed with. So while I'm not a complete novice, I do think it's high time someone knocked that JK Rowling woman off her perch. Otherwise we'll just have to suffer through more of that wizard and goblin rubbish.
I tried reading one of those Harry Potter books a while ago. I'm not sure which one it was. Possibly "Harry Potter & The Chamber Of Secrets." Halfway through and I realized I was going to need a hammer, a screwdriver and a locksmith to get into this chamber, let alone understand it's secrets.

I like reading the kind of books which are easy on the eye. Nothing too deep and mentally challenging. Nothing too complicated or with too many characters. The kind of books that take me back to a happy childhood where one picture could tell a thousand words.
That's why I'm so glad Playboy is back in the country, and I can renew my subscription.

One of my favorite books is The Bible.
That, and The Life Of Pi.
Ok so I know that The Bible goes against everything I said I loved in a book, but the truth is that my Gran would read it to me when I was younger (for those that don't know this, I grew up in a multi-religious home) and I really enjoyed the characters and the lessons in the good book. I was disappointed that there were no pictures, but soon I realized that a vivid imagination more than made up for that shortfall. I always wondered about the first publishing house to have published the very first run of The Bible.
I wonder if their in-house editor ever read it and went "This needs some work."
Also, how did they know how many copies to print?
How would one go about getting a signed copy by the author?
Lastly, if it's the most published book in the world as I've heard somewhere, how come Hollywood hasn't already turned it into a movie?

Maybe I should keep these questions handy and ask them during the "Meet The Publishers" workshop.

I'm really looking forward to it, and once again a huge Thank You to Ms Gwen for thinking about me when she found out about the workshop :)

We're One Year Old!!

Well when I say 'We' what I really mean is 'The Blog'.

Yes folks, the blog is officially 1 year old and boy has it surpassed my wildest expectations. When I first started the blog I expected it would be frequented by my friends and the odd random visitor who happened to stumble upon it by mistake.

12 500 visits to the blog later, and I'm thinking this site must be like a massive black hole on the interweb, sucking in people by the hundreds every month, or maybe, just maybe, there are some out there who actually do enjoy my ramblings and keep coming back for more.

I'm going with the Black Hole theory ;)

Thank you guys for coming here as often as you do. It really is awesome to know that I can keep you entertained, unless you're coming around to laugh at my silliness, then I'm just glad to be of service :)
Either way, I'm humbled and grateful to one and all :)

Here's to another year of random crazy mutterings!

The Amazing Journey Of The Parroteer

As usual, the title has absolutely nothing to do with this post. Frankly I don't even know what a Parroteer is. Sometimes I just make stuff up as I go along. It's how my brain works, and until I figure out why it does that, I guess I'll just enjoy the ride.

It's been another roller-coaster week that started with me being at a client's offices inspecting his building and witnessing some idiot builder on the building next door have a member of his team fall off the roof. Luckily the guy only fell about two-storey's which is about 8 meters, and landed in the flowerbed. Had he landed 2 meters to the right he would have been in the company's fountain.
Safety first, that's rule number 1.
I guess it was a happy ending for everyone concerned. I think the plants got off worse than anyone else.
The highlight of my week would definitely be the very moment I made the last payment on my personal and company's overdraft. Getting debt free is no easy task,but the trick is to approach it one step at a time, taking on the smallest amounts and working your way up to the huge mountain we usually refer to as "The Credit Card".
When I started my company, I always knew it would cost me an arm and a leg to finance the business. So 3 years later I still have both arms and both legs. Job well done!

The lowlight (if there is such a word) would have been this morning while chatting to a client. His maintenance manager came over and not long thereafter my client left the two of us alone. Maybe I have this face that says "Please, confide in me" or maybe people just feel THAT comfortable around me that they tell me all their deep dark dirty secrets, but sometimes I wish they wouldn't.
This guy has known me for about a month.
He starts telling me about this girl he's been dating for about 2 months. Lately she's started staying over at his place. They're at the phase where they are still working around their personal space in his apartment. Up until this point the conversation seemed pretty normal. Well as normal as you would expect between two guys discussing relationships.

That's when he drops the bombshell. There's usually that one line between two guys that you should just never say. It changes depending on the conversation or the guys. Well this moron dropped it like a hot potato.
"Kaloo, this morning I walked into the bathroom and caught her using my nose-hair trimmer on her bumhair!"
What?!!
That's a mental image no bleach and brain-rinse is going to remove for a long time!
Now I'm not sure if he was more upset that she was using his nose-hair trimmer, that she hadn't told him, or that she had bumhair. Either way, that's not something you share with another dude! EVER!

Now this guy's looking at me to give him some sage advice, and I'm standing there having a tough enough time holding back my breakfast while simultaneously erasing that image of his girlfriends bumhair from my mind. Not an easy task.
So I looked him in the eye, and very calmly told him "Bradley, that woman is a keeper!"
Of course he asked me why I thought so, and I replied "Because anytime a woman feels that comfortable with you around, you should grab her with both arms and embrace the bumhair."

I've checked out some of these nose-hair trimmers, and quite frankly I can see why his girlfriend got attached to it.

I rest my case.

True story.
Now watch this space while I go find a quiet corner to hurl.

The Bridalplasty Edition

Ok so it's no big secret that I'm a sucker for Reality TV. I could watch a show about monkey's being taught how to perform brain surgery and I'd probably be glued until they announced a winner, 7 failed attempts later. Hang on, that's not entirely true. Big Brother is the only reality TV show that makes no sense to me at all. If I really wanted to watch a houseful of morons trying to act cool and be the most popular while lounging around like fat lazy lizards in a bucket of grease, I'd go to parliament.

These past two months I've been completely fixated by Masterchef Australia and Bridalplasty.
The first is a cooking show, and I'm not sure why I'm so engrossed by a bunch of folks trying to be the best chef in Australia while cooking dishes that I'd probably never enjoy, but I am.
The second is a show about trailer-trash hillbillies and their upmarket cousins who want to win the perfect wedding, and in order to do this they go through process's of plastic surgery to look better. Sounds ridiculously sick? Well it is. Maybe I derive pleasure from watching just how low the average American bimbo will stoop for a dollop of self-confidence. Honestly you have to think very little of yourself to begin with, if you are willing to be sliced and diced on national television just to win the wedding of your dreams.

This is the runner up. Honestly, who wants to wake up next to Hannibal Lechter every morning?
Some of the women that entered this show looked better before than they did after their plastic surgery. It's a sign of the degradation of society when people go on Reality TV shows to win surgical procedures. It's a sign of the times when companies are willing to sponsor such TV shows. I guess it's also a sign of the times when a guy like me is fascinated enough to watch these shows every week.

I read in the papers earlier this morning that eNews has started a Friday night news special featuring naked presenters, after the 10pm movie! I kid u not. It's called Naked News and it's based on an American concept (why am I not surprised) where the newsreaders start stripping as they read the news.
I suppose that's one way to get people back to watching the news, though I can't imagine it being the same as back in the 80's when my Grandad would tell us to be silent after supper because the news is about to start, and then settle in to his favorite sofa while sipping his tea. Just not the same I think.
On the plus side, it's about time we got a news channel that gave us the bare facts, without having to make a boob of themselves like FoxNews does daily, or any of that tit-for-tat nonsense some other channels are famous for.

Four Weddings & A Funeral

Ok so maybe just one wedding and not four,but boy was it a week filled with newsworthy stories!
I'm not usually one for following royalty and all that it stands for, but there was something about watching the wedding of William and Kate that makes you forget all the bad things happening in the world during those few short hours. It was like suddenly fairy tales did come true and there were no bad guys left in the world.
In short, it was special, and coming from a cynic like myself that's saying something.

A few days later and we soon realized that the fairytale is over and that bad guys do exist.
I woke up this morning to news that Osama Bin Laden had been found and killed in Pakistan by a team of Navy Seals. Ok, so forgetting that we've been told this before 3 years ago by the Americans, I decide to accept this news with an open mind. Within an hour there were already reports coming out from CNN, the BBC and SkyNews which concerned me and suddenly I questioned that open-mindedness I had earlier.

America had sent Navy Seals to Pakistan to capture or kill Osama Bin Laden without the permission of the Pakistani authorities first. Really? When did Pakistan become the 51st State of America? When did it lose it's sovereign status? When did it become OK for America to do as she pleases in another country?
Oh wait, this is America we're talking about. They are the champions of morality and democracy, unless of course it pertains to them showing some.
So anyways I figure maybe they did this due to the need for speed and possibly being concerned about a leak of information. The fact that the order was given last Friday morning means they had an entire weekend of planning before taking on the task. I suppose that's an issue they will bully Pakistan into understanding. Democracy 'Foie Gras' style.

In the second hour the news media was abuzz with reports of Osama Bin Laden's body being disposed of in the ocean. Really America? In the ocean? Their reasoning was that they didn't want his grave to be turned into a shrine.
Now where does one even begin chipping away at this logic?
I'll start with the massive PR mistake such an exercise became. You're trying to win over the hearts and minds of the Muslim world, and you proceed to do this by discarding Osama's body in a manner totally unacceptable in Islamic tradition. There are none other than those crazy fundamentalists and terrorists that honestly believe Osama was a good guy. Nobody in their right minds condones the planning and killing of innocent civilians. Agreed this is based entirely on the presumption that Osama as head of Al Qaeda was behind the evil he was accused of. However, to show disrespect in the manner of burial is to show disrespect and a lack of understanding of the very religion you're trying to win over.
Also, how daft must you be to not seize the opportunity to get every terrorist and his sidekick together in one place, every month for like forever? You designate a nice open field as a burial place, you place Osama's grave in the center of it, you CCTV the entire place with high-powered cameras, and every time a crazy terrorist comes to pay homage to Bin Ladens shrine, you arrest his crazy ass. It's like catching fly's with honey.

Next we have the comparison between Saddam Hussein's killing and that  Osama Bin Laden.
During the Iraqi war, western news media gave the world a lesson in what was socially acceptable and what was not. For example, the showing of dead bodies was socially unacceptable. Hence the condemnation of Iraqi's parading the bodies of American soldiers killed during the war. Within days, 'embedded journalists' were suddenly broadcasting footage of corpses along the roadside of Iraqi soldiers killed in the 'War On Terror'. Well when I say soldiers what I really mean is "Insurgents and militiamen" as America called them. Let's be honest, during times of war, especially those fought outside of America, the enemy is always "insurgents and militiamen", never enemy soldiers. Funny word that, insurgents. Insurgents in their own country? Would that mean the American soldiers were 'locals' ?
So there we were becoming accustomed to seeing dead 'insurgents' on the roadside, and 'social acceptability' flew out the window faster than George Bush could say "Mission Accomplished".
When Saddam was finally captured and killed, he too was paraded for all the world to see. Proof of America's prowess over tyrants. If you said anything about 'social acceptability' and questioned the pictures and footage, you were quickly labelled anti-American or unpatriotic.
Ironic then that when American Navy Seals find and kill Osama Bin Laden under instruction from the Commander In Chief, they suddenly think it prudent to dispose of the body as a matter of urgency, no pictures and no video footage. Last I checked, America called the death of Osama 3 years ago, and he pulled of the greatest bluff when he produced a video a few weeks later. This was the guy on the very top of your FBI Most Wanted List, for 10 years! This was a guy with a $25Million bounty on his head, dead or alive. This was the guy who was the very reason for your wars on terror... and the day you capture and kill him, you dispose of his body within hours and without anyone independently verifying it to be him? Really America?
You'll have to excuse me America, if I don't believe the bullshit that comes out of your propaganda machine this time around.

Roswell?
Moon landing?
Weapons of mass destruction?
War on terror?
Death of Osama Bin Laden Part 1?
Death of Osama Bin Laden Part 2?

Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I prefer being able to decipher the bullshit from the truth.

Donald Trump demanded to see Barack Obama's birth certificate before he believed him to be American.
I demand to see certified proof of Osama's death before I believe anything you're peddling.
Until then, you will always have more suspicion cast on yourself as a nation than all the terrorists of the world put together.


PS: I expect there are those reading this post thinking I'm a fan of Osama, Saddam or other crazy terrorists out there. The fact is that I am a fan of truth. There's a reason why the rest of the world looks upon America with scorn and disgust.

Putting The 'Pro' In Procrastination

It's 5:45pm, and usually around this time I've just arrived home from my version of a hard days work, and I'm about to plonk myself on the sofa in anticipation of a hot meal from the missus. Sabreen would be running around me in a frenzy as she tries to dodge my kisses, and sometime before 7pm my phone would ring with the last client of the day wanting to ask something of absolutely no importance but just happy to hear my voice; because hearing my voice means that everything is ok and his project is in good hands. Also, it means that the world can continue spinning on it's axis and the Universe is safe for another day.

Did I just make myself sound like Superman?
Hahaha, sometimes I can be so vain and pompous.

So anyways, today was supposed to be a working day, but everybody knows Superman does what Superman wants to do. Notice that Superman now refers to himself in the third person. If you stick around long enough, Superman will begin speaking about himself in the fourth person! Not even Chuck Norris knows how to pull that off.
If you've been reading my blog for longer than a month, you will have noticed a certain bias toward content that is soul-searching, powerful, insightful and inciteful. (That last word was made up by myself. I know it cant be a real word because as I wrote it, spellcheck put a red line underneath it. Spellcheck also put a red line under 'Spellcheck', so in all honesty I'm doubting the integrity of Spellcheck.)

Here's what's been happening in the news this week.

Afriforum took Julius Malema to court for hateful speech.
I always thought Afriforum was a group of farmers producing apples. Turns out they are a group fighting social injustices wherever they may come across it. They're like the Superman for minorities. If you're a foreigner wondering who 'Julius Malema' is, just Google "Donkey from Shrek". I'm not sure who's going to win the lawsuit, but I just wish the people would stop Toyi-Toying outside court. It makes white people nervous, and when white people get nervous, the interest rate goes up and confidence in the country goes down. That's my observation anyways.

Wednesday is another public holiday. Freedom Day.
How many public holiday's does a country as small as ours need? Seriously, if the DA wins the elections and the ANC gets booted out of power, we're going to have public holidays like "Helen Zille's Botox Day", "Patricia De Lilles Ugly Dress Day" and "Tony Leons Day Of Thunder". We'll be permanently on holiday, and for an Indian Capitalist like myself, that's not a good thing. I think the powers that be were really daft when they decided on a date for Freedom Day.
Good Friday, then the weekend, then Easter Monday or whatever it's called, then a working day on Tuesday, and Freedom Day on Wednesday, followed by working days on Thursday and Friday! Seriously, how many people are going to be sober on Tuesday and Thursday? This will probably be the most unproductive week in the entire calendar.
That's the problem with this country. No planning. No think-tank sitting around a polished cherrywood boardroom table going "Whoa! Wait a minute. Lets apply our minds to this holiday date."
Which brings me to my next point.

SABC manager Ed Worster says they are striving to understand their audience.
Well Mr Worster, your audience is currently watching DSTV. They haven't watched your crappy national broadcasters 3 limping stations for a few years now. Those dwindling numbers you see belong to your inflated staff members who are exempt from paying TV Licences, and feel a sense of solidarity and loyalty to your stations. The truth though is that the SABC is going down like the Titanic, and you and your board members are like the band that keeps on playing. As a government mouthpiece, you have lost credibility and trust with your viewership long before Snuki Zikalala decided to turn the public broadcaster into his personal playpen.
As for solutions, you won't find any until you start listening to what the people want, and give it to them.
Fire everybody in that cesspool you call a corporation. Keep the cleaners because they seem to be the only lot who know how to keep crap out of the doors. Get competent people who are not aligned to political parties. Lastly, fire yourself for being a douchebag and then send an email to the ANC saying "Aish baas, this idea of running the country via peoples TV's is not working."
Failing that, people will continue to watch DSTV or simply resort to no TV at all, watching pirate DVD's passed around every citizen in the country like the common cold.
Also, this idea of TV Licence's is bollocks. Why should I pay a TV Licence if I don't watch anything you produce?
If I go to Spur and order a steak, they don't charge me for chicken also, simply because they sell chicken! I don't want chicken, therefore I don't pay for chicken. I want steak and I'll pay for steak dammit! That's why I'm paying for DSTV. That's my steak. Keep you chicken.

The Royal Wedding
Lets be honest here. After Princess Diana's wedding, nobody really gives a crap about another Royal Wedding. Prince William could marry one of the Hyenas from The Lion King and nobody would bat an eyelid. For crying out loud, his father already did and nobody cared!
I think Kate is a lovely girl, but these days everybody is just waiting for the sex-scandal tape to come out.
I remember Princess Diana's wedding as a youngster in school, watching it in class and thinking "Wow! Princess's do exist!"
Then I saw Charles and thought "Damn, when does that frog turn human?"
So I'm happy for Willy and Kate and I'm sure they're going to have beautiful kids and make the Queen mother proud, but I'll be playing golf on the day thank you very much.
What's the Queen Mother's role anyways? She looks like her sole job is to be a walking catalogue for JC Penny. And what's up with those hats? Is she bald underneath them?
I tweeted earlier about how awesome it would be if William was getting married to an Indian girl instead of Kate.

Here's my Top Ten Reasons Why William Marrying A Moodley Would Be Fun
1) Lady Parvati Moodley sounds a lot more interesting than Lady Kate
2) As soon as William announced the wedding date, his in-laws would have picked out his suit & turban.
3) The colour scheme for the wedding would be purple & silver.
4) The Royal Wedding Dish would be Lamb Biryani, with a side-dish of potato samoosas.
5) Williams in-laws would move into Buckingham Palace within a month of the wedding.
6) The rest of the Moodley clan from India & Durban would move in a few weeks later.
7) William and Parvati will holiday every year at the Moodleys holiday home in Tongaat.
8) The wedding song played at Westminster Abbey will be sung by Shah Rukh Khan
9) Within 3 weeks, Williams mother-in-law will have called the Queen Mother "a dirty gora"
10) Lastly, William will work with Parvati's father in his tailor-shop.


Well folks, there you have it.
Time for me to enjoy a hearty supper. Lets hope that idiot delivery guy from Mochachos doesn't get lost this time!

Boys Weekend

I have this Love-Hate relationship with Easter Weekend, and I've had it every year. Well every year since I could drive. It's mostly the idea of sitting in a car for 8 hours driving to a place which is usually just a 4 hour drive away that makes me hate the long weekend.

So usually I end up spending it at home, doing day trips to places like Haartebeespoort Dam or Sun City. This weekends slightly different though. Princess Sabreen and the missus are off to Durban for a week, which leaves me alone at home contemplating moulding my butt to the sofa all week, or maybe having a boys weekend.

My buddy Shafi recently moved down from Cape Town, and I'm hooking up with him tonight. The last time I had a boys weekend, there were cops and firefighters and even a magistrate, and those were just the guests!
I'm kicking this night off with a marathon session of Jerseylicious. I think I've already watched 5 episodes already. The pizza's have already been ordered and arrive at 8pm. I picked up a copy of Bad Boys 2 and Saw 4 to take us past midnight and into tomorrow.
Oh and popcorn. Salted!

Yep, this evening is going to be wild!