The Wedding Report

I got an invite in the post earlier this week from my friend Elvira, or Elle as I like to call her.
She's getting married end of October of this year, and I couldn't be happier for her.

I've been to so many weddings from so many different cultures already, I've reached the point where I no longer prepare ahead. You know, like whether you should eat before heading to the venue, or what to wear, or even if you should have a few words on hand in case you get called upon to say something.

Back in my college days, I was invited to a friend's sisters wedding.
They're Russian.
There was plenty of bread and alcohol served. No food.
Since I don't drink, I came home starving, thirsty and with a terrible yeast infection.

A few years later I was invited to a neighbour's kids wedding.
They happen to be Hindu.
Plenty of food everywhere!
If you like vegetables in every possible serving variation.
No meat. No chicken. But it was awesome and we danced so much I didn't even notice that the Beans Curry had started working it's magic! True story.

It's no big secret that I once dated a Chinese girl.
When her brother got married, I was the only Indian guy at the wedding.
For an Indian guy to say there was too much rice, would tell you just how much rice there was at the wedding!
Everywhere!
Even in uncooked form on the floor! Ok this turned out to be a cultural thing where the family threw rice at the couple as they were leaving the hall.
For a split second I imagined this custom being adopted by an Indian family.
Bride and groom slowly walk down the aisle to "Everlasting Love", and suddenly WHOOMP! They get hit by a pot of fish beryani!

Indian weddings are much like their favourite sport, cricket.
It's like a 5 Day Test Series.
There's feeding of guests a few days before the wedding; then there's the feeding when the overseas guests arrive; then more feeding on the day of the wedding; and finally the function called the "Walimah" a few days after the wedding. Again, more feeding.
The "Walimah" signifies the couples consummation of their marriage.
Nice.
What better way for an innocent girl from a decent home to proclaim the loss of her virginity then to invite 500 people over and have a mutton beryani feast?
I had 1000 people at my wedding, and another 500 at our Walimah.
Of the 1500 people who came to these functions, I probably knew about 30.
But, admittedly, it was tremendous fun and quite frankly if I ever attended an Indian wedding of less than 100 people, I would think they must be the village outcasts who nobody really likes, getting married.

So come 31st October I'll be attending Ms Elle's Portugeuse wedding.
I'm really looking forward to it, because everybody I've told thus far said "Ooh the fish will be delicious!"

So without further ado I dedicate this video to my dear friend Elvira

May your life be filled with only the most awesome memories on your journey ahead.

Love always.
Fareed