Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Morning After

I've been contemplating writing about something which has bothered me for a few weeks now, but I kept putting it off unsure if I really wanted it out in the public domain.

Ultimately I suppose the blog can be cathartic and a good a place as any to unclutter one's mind.
Some people, and I know one in particular, even have a mystery blog wherein they write to their hearts content, comfortable and satisfied in the knowledge that nobody reading it could ever associate it with anybody in particular. Strange, but true. In a way, it's almost like calling those psychic hotlines. You never know who you're confiding in, and they never know who's on the other end.
Such a perfect symbiosis.
For some.

Anyways, I've skirted this issue which has perturbed me in a previous blog I wrote, about friendship.
As with all friendships, if they're not cemented with loyalty, trust and honour, they're almost worthless.
I thought I had that kind of friendship. I really did.The cemented kind.
Then the loyalty, the trust and the honour were tested. Unfortunately the friend I thought I had, came up short and failed. So I made a decision and decided to close that chapter and be thankful for all the great time's we shared and the bond we had.
I guess my ability to walk away from people and situations is so instinctive that it sometimes takes over before I even realise that it's happened.

So it was that we haven't spoken for about two months already.
I guess when you've had a friend who was as close to you as any brother ever could be, and you get let down by him, you really only have two choices going forward.
Either you forgive and forget and move on.
Or you contemplate the true value of the friendship and walk away.
In business, as in life, I always walk away if the trust has been broken.
Yes yes, I can hear you saying "But surely you can rebuild the trust."
I suppose you can. Life was never meant to be easy, but where I can I choose the simpler option.

Last night I went out for supper with the missus and some friends, and as fate would have it I saw him walking toward us. I always wondered what would happen when the day arrived, as I always knew it would.
I think there was a part of me that hoped it would be civil.
That we would be able to stop and say hello.
That we would be able to chat as two friends who know each other, since we no longer could as two brothers who were inseparable.
It turns out I was wrong.

It's a sad way to end a friendship, and i'm still not sure how I feel about it.
There's no arrogance or pride or self-righteousness lurking about, just the misty fog of the remnants of what was.
It's the morning after and the new dawn brings the hope of new friendships, and the ever-present possibility of  being disappointed again.
The only constant is change.