Saturday, October 30, 2010

This I Why Ellen Rules

Hi, my name is Fareed and I used to watch Oprah.

So not every guy will admit to having watched the Queen Of Chat Shows, but I'm proud to say that her show has taught me a great many things I never would have otherwise known.
Like shaving against the grain causes an itchy face... or that you can tell the health of your digestive system by the shape of your poop... or that there are definite signs you could look out for when trying to spot a Serial Killer. This last fact has come in handy on a few occasions. I have certainly saved myself a potentially gruesome death by no longer visiting at least 3 of my relatives!

Ever since Ellen came onto the scene, with her fresh and funky approach to chat shows and that signature dance move of hers, I have to admit that I have been quite a fan. Besides, I can't help but look at Ellen and picture a naked Portia De Rossi. Which guy honestly doesn't think the same thing?

So I was telling a friend of mine about Ellen, and he said he prefers Oprah.
Yes ladies, it's pretty obvious that men can have such deep and profound conversations; proof that not everything in our world revolves around boobs and asses and sex.
Anyways, I was telling him about my Portia fantasy.. you know, the one where Portia does a guest appearance and makes out with Ellen on the sofa, and the audience goes crazy and I'm in the audience and the producer asks me if I'd like to join them on the sofa and...
Wait... This story has a plot and a point. What was it?

Oh yes.
Why I prefer Ellen to Oprah.
So my friend says that Oprah appeals to the mature viewer, while Ellen appeals to the younger viewer.
Possibly, but I'm young and mature (previous paragraph notwithstanding).
I guess I like the angle with which Ellen approaches the serious subjects. She adds a dash of humour and lightheartedness to it, as opposed to making it a crying festival sponsored by Kleenex.
Admittedly Oprah cries less these days than she used to before.
I don't think she's run out of tear's. I think she'll have the ability to cry for many more years to come. I remember her once saying she had water-retention issues. Maybe the two are related, I'm not certain.

Then there's that whole "My best friend Gayle" issue.
Personally I think Gayle is more than just a friend. I've seen pictures of Steadman, supposedly Oprah's husband. I've never heard the man speak or even seen him on the show. I mean if my wife ended up being the Queen of Chat Shows (and believe me she has what it takes!) and had a multi-million Dollar empire going on, I'd be traipsing about the place like Big Dick and letting everyone know who's wearing the pants. Every now and then I'll even ask the missus if I can wear the pants!
But this Steadman character is only ever seen in pictures. My theory is that years ago when Oprah just started out, she didn't want to be seen as single, so she hopped on to Google Images and found a stock image of a random decent looking guy who she figured would fit the bill as her husband. She and Gayle then said "If anybody asks, he's my husband. We'll call him Steadman because he looks like a steady kind of man."
In the meantime, back at the ranch, Oprah and Gayle were having a merry old time playing house.

Of course years later Ellen comes on the scene flaunting Portia De Rossi who is dreamilicious, and the two of them are not shy about showing their affection and announcing their love to the world. Needless to say, Oprah and Gayle are back on the ranch going "Darn it! We should have come out years ago!"

Thats my theory and I'm sticking to it.

So this video pretty much sums up why Oprah is Oprah and Ellen is Ellen.
(Thats pretty deep, even by my deep standards!)
Can you imagine Oprah pulling a prank like this on Barbara Streisand?


Ellen surprises Taylor Swift

They're probably my favourite celebrity couple, mostly because they always seem to be having so much fun together. Portia's always smiling and Ellen, well, she's always Ellen :)
As far as my Ellen/ Portia & Oprah/ Gayle theory goes, I thought I'd upload some pics of the respective partners and leave you the viewer to decide.






And then there's Gayle. Is it just me of does she look like Whitney Houston's sister?