Thursday, November 18, 2010

Island Cruise Day 2

There must have been something in the water I drank during last nights festivities that knocked me stone-cold out. We decided to do a bit of dancing after dinner and ended up doing some serious clubbing instead. I think one of those gay boys slipped a date-rape drug into my drink, because the next thing I knew it was 10am and I was starving! Thankfully I was fully clothed and laying next to the missus, and most importantly my bum seemed intact and wasn't paining.

That sleep was so good and sound we didn't even realise we had missed breakfast. Rumour has it that the breakfast spread was so impressive it would have made a few Greek Gods envious.
It was a beautiful morning though, waking up to the ship already docked in Maputo Bay. Absolutely stunning scenery and I shall forever remember to insist on a room with a balcony, because there is nothing more romantic than having a late breakfast delivered to your suite and you enjoying it overlooking the calm waters of Maputo. Nothing.
Okay maybe a hot air balloon breakfast overlooking the Drakensberg.
Possibly the sunrise on a yacht sailing across Lake Geneva.
All right all right, you get the picture.

We couldn't decide over breakfast whether we should do the overpriced City Tour of Maputo, or the extortionist rates of the Maputo Guided Walking Tour. So we did what any Indian on a holiday does... We waited until we saw a Guided Walking Tour group leave, then followed them. We stayed within earshot of the Tour Guide, and whenever a member of the group turned to look at myself or the missus, we pretended to be the Official Photographers for the tour. I carried the Handycam, she carried the digital camera, so we certainly looked the part.

Two hours later and a saving of $60, I was rather proud of myself. That's $60 I can now spend on tomorrows snorkelling. Maybe I could go into Bazarutto town, by some cheap-ass snorkells and just follow the snorkelling tour? Hhmm... Only problem with that is that if these bastards catch on to me, they not going to tell me if a shark heads our way.
Aah well, if you don't hear from me by this time tomorrow, you'll know I've joined the Organ Donor Foundation for marine mammals.

Right now we're on our way to Bazarutto, and I can hear the band on the Sundeck playing Shania Twain. Country music while you're in the middle of the Indian Ocean... There's something odd about that. Maybe the country music is to scare off the Somali pirates. I'll find out and report back to you.

In my earlier post I mentioned that this cruise seemed to be a cullinary tour if previous travellers are to be believed. Well I can confirm that I have eaten more in these past two days than any man has ever eaten in the history of mankind. I'm starting to wonder if those Somali pirates aren't just after all the food on board these ships? It could be that they attacked the very first ship after hearing about the food, and some dumb European insurance guy decided to pay them $10 Million to release the ship, and before you knew it the Somalians were like "Hey WTF!? Free food and they pay us to let the ship go? Awesome! Let's tell all our brothers and we can start franchising!"

Speaking about all the free food on board, I wonder why it is that these marketting geniuses who promote these cruises haven't targetted the Indian demographic?
I know that the Indians by nature have a certain distrust to any European or white man telling them "Come to my ship, and I will give you a room and free food, and it will only cost you X."
Every Indian I know would be thinking "Fuck you bastard white guy! You're not taking me to work in your sugar-cane field. My people will not fall for that again!"
Seriously though, if these cruise marketting geniuses hired a helicopter for one day, printed pamphlets which said "Free Food! Eat as much as you like!" on them, and dropped it over Chatsworth, Tongaat and Lenasia, I promise you they would be fully booked until South Africa has another white President, or America has another black one!

This old lady I met after lunch today was bitching about how expensive the water on board the ship is. I guess its all relative really. A litre of bottled water costs $2.20. That's like around R15 in local terms. I couldn't exactly tell her that, because she assumed I'm brown skin, she's brown skin, and therefore we have a common hate for capitalism and the exchange rate.
Next thing she whips out this battered and bruised empty 2 litre Valpre plastic bottle with the neck cut open. At first I thought she was going to commit suicide by sticking her head in it and suffocating herself.
It turns out that she was going to get free ice from the bar, fill her bottle, wait for it to melt, and Voila! Free water!!
Indian Aunty is a genius!
Tomorrow she and I are going snorkelling ;)

Right then folks, its supper time and tonight I plan on trying the duck.
Something weird about eating a bird that spends its life floating above the water, laughing at all the fish that has to swim in its poop.
Such a regal and majestic bird it is. Its like at the top of the food-chain as far as floating birds go.
Then along comes Kaloo on his cruise holiday and says "Aah, I'll try the flaoting bird and show it who's boss. You wanna poop on the fish, tonight I shall enjoy you and turn you into..." No, I don't like where this train of thought is going. Let's just leave it at "Bon Appetit".

PS: I'm thinking of starting a weekly video Podcast on Youtube when I get back.
What do you guys think?
I'm interested to know your opinions...
Sent from my Apple iPad® wireless device