Monday, November 8, 2010

They Live Amongst Us

My average day involves meeting no less than 5 new people. Five people every single day of the week that I have never met before, and in most cases these are people I would probably not meet ever again. These include secretaries and PA's (in most cases), followed by maintenance managers and general managers, and lastly office staff.
For those that don't know, I own a commercial property maintenance company, and also a construction company. It's the former that allows me the opportunity to meet all these interesting people on any given day.

This past week was no different.
The maintenance manager at a company we started a project at on Monday called me in the morning to confirm a few things. I happened to be driving when he called, and we chatted about the project schedule.
This is a transcript of the tail-end of the conversation.
Me: Right then, so everything is on track.
Him : Yes. Now do you have a pepa?

Me: A pepa? What's a pepa?
(At this point I was suffering from extreme anxiety as I thought he was speaking about a tool or machine which I didn't know about)
Him : A pepa man, a pepa!
Me : (still highly confused)
What do I need this pepa for?
Him : To write down a phone number on! 
*They live amongst us*

If this was just the start of my week, I hoped it would only get better.
Aah, that wonderful word "Hope".

On Tuesday I was back at my Italian clients place. I wrote about her here.
She's very hot as you would expect an Italian woman to be, and she's extremely friendly. So I mentioned her to my crazy inner-circle on Twitter, and they insisted I take a picture of her on my camera-phone. Easy when you're taking a pic of a house you want to buy or a car you think is awesome, maybe even of a cute puppy in your neighbours yard. Not so easy when you're trying to take the pic of someone standing less than a metre away from you, with sweaty palms.
Needless to say, I took out my Blackberry and my first attempt was hopeless. The second attempt was a blurry shot of her foot. My final attempt did'nt get very far because she turned around as I zoomed in on her butt, and I would have been caught blushing with embarrassment had it not been for my quick thinking. I told her the insurance company required me to take as many pics as possible, and I left it at that.
So to my Twitter inner-circle (you Twits know who you are), I say Thank You for a day I'd sooner forget.
Ps: This story is not intended to imply that I take random pics of my clients butts. It is meant as a lesson to other's never to fall for the charms of an Italian in tights, and most importantly, not everyone on Twitter is your friend!

On Friday night the missus and I decided to stay in and watch a movie. Sabreen wasn't feeling too great so we thought we'd order Pizza instead of the usual Fordsburg dinner followed by night-time shopping at the flea-market. I called the Pizza place and gave them my order. I asked how long before the delivery arrived and they said approximately 30 minutes.
Forty minutes later and with still no sign of food or scooter, I decided to call and find out how much longer I would have to wait before I started gnawing on my foot. The guy who answered the phone was not the same guy I had spoken to earlier. The previous guy's name was Peter. This new guy was called "Realization". I couldn't make this stuff up if I were armed with a bucket of mampoer and a cannabis joint the size of my arm!
This is the transcript of that call.

Me: Who am I speaking to?
Him : Its Realization Sir.
Me : Realization?
Him : Yes Sir. How may I help you?
Me : I placed an order 40 minutes ago. Do you realize it has not yet arrived.
Him : What is your address Sir?
Me : (Gives him address. Listens while he writes it down on a pepa.)
Him : I'm sorry Sir. The driver is back. He could not find your place.
Me : WHAT??!!! How could he not find the place? I gave him the address!!
(At this point my fury had overtaken my hunger)
Him : He said he could not find One Four Three.
Me : One Four Three? Who lives at One Four Three?
Him : It say's here on your order Sir. Two Large pizzas, Richard Street, for one Mr Kaloo, One Four Three.
Me : Good Lawd Realization! It's 2 large pizzas, and One For Free on your special, for Mr Kaloo, one Richard Street!
Him : Aah!. Oh? Aish.... Yoh, I'm sorry sir.
Me : Click!

*They live amongst us*

Just when you think you've met the daftest human being on the planet, along comes one who totally lowers the bar even further :)

How's this guy on Who Want's To Be A Millionaire?
I think he sets a new standard for the show.