Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Lost In Translation

My sister called earlier to inform me that my niece was constipated.
This is a transcript of the conversation.

She : Do you have Milk Of Magnesia?
Me : I've got Full Cream Milk, Skim Milk, Low Fat Milk, Sour Milk, even Milkshake.
She : No man. Milk Of Magnesia. She's constipated.
Me : BLEEUGH! That stuff is gross! I'd rather lick the inside of a prison sewer!
She : She's soo uncomfortable :(
Me : Fair Lady magazine says you can use your finger. Its true.
She : SIES! My baby will pop her eyeballs if I stick my finger in.
Me : Well you should do what I do.
She : Whats that?
Me : Anyone needs a suppository, I get them to kneel down, hold it in place, and I come up from behind and kick them.
She : WHAT?!
Me : Well at least I don't get my fingers dirty.

Which brings me to an interesting discussion I once had with a pharmicist.
When looking at a fairly large pill, how do you tell whether it's a suppository or an oral pill?
You look at the shape, she replied.
The shape, I asked?
Yes, the shape. If it looks like a bullet, it goes in the rear.

Well the problem is i'm used to carrying some big guns. Like shotguns.
Those shotgun bullets are huge!

Ok Robin Williams is on the telly.
Gotta run.
I'm a sucker for good stand-up comedy.
Actually i'm a sucker for any kind of comedy.