Saturday, July 31, 2010

The Vodacom Durban July

I'm no gambler, but i've always been fascinated by the Durban July horse race.
This year I decided to be a part of the occasion and placed a small bet on an unknown horse called Daisy Picker.
I called my bookie earlier to find out how my horse had done and he said they couldn't find her.
That's never a good sign.

It turns out when the gate's opened and all the horse's took off, she got a fright.
Again, not a good sign.

Something about the noise and clatter and hoofs scared her.
I'm not horse expert, but if a horse has noise and crowd issues, and demands personal space, should it really be running in the Durban July?

Anyways, it turns out that the only thing that calms her down after such an eventful day (or non-eventful, depending on your bet) is to send her to the paddocks where she quietly munches on Daisy's.
If I knew how she got her name before today, I doubt I would have put any money on her!
I would probably have gone for Speed Demon or Toyota.
Apparently Toyota is so fast, she's still running! The trainer says they haven't yet figured out how to get her to stop. I asked if they tried recalling her. He just looked at me quizically.
Toyota's sister was also running in the same race.
Her names Everything.
Everything keeps going, right?

My good friend Desai bet on a horse called Indian Lady.
He called his bookie and asked how she did.
The bookie said she performed just like an Indian Lady... she refused to take off or show any leg!


Welcome to the Vodacom Durban July.
Before the race begins, lets have a look at the line-up.

Lineup:

In lane 1. Passionate Lady
In lane 2. Bare Belly
In lane 3. Silk Panties
In lane 4. Conscience
In lane 5. Jockey Shorts
In lane 6. Clean Sheets
In lane 7. Thighs
In lane 8. Big Dick
In lane 9. Heavy Bosom
In lane 10. Merry Cherry

THEY'RE OFF!!!

Conscience is left behind at the gate.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big Dick is in a dangerous spot.

AT THE HALFWAY MARK:

It's Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and Big Dick is pressed in.
Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick.

AT THE STRETCH:

Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
Big Dick is making a final drive.
Bare Belly is in and Passionate Lady is coming.

AT THE FINISH:

It's Big Dick giving everything he's got and
Passionate Lady takes everything Big Dick has to offer.
It looks like a dead heat but Big Dick comes through with one final thrust and wins by a head...

Bare Belly shows...

Thighs weakens...

Heavy Bosom pulls up and Clean Sheets never had a chance."