Saturday, May 15, 2010

Scribbles

There's probably a few hundred milion websites on the Internet.
I dont bother visiting more than 10 on any given day, and half of those are news and finance related. These are the things which interest me. Current affairs and the economy.
Im glad I dont have the desire or inclination to explore further than that which im already comfortable with, as far as the internet is concerned at least.

Heres an excerpt from News24 regarding interest rates in South Africa :
"There have even been official hints that an easing is not far off - for example, in Governor Mboweni's 28 November annus horribilis speech."
Thats it, word for word.
No its not a misprint.
Yes it is really called an annus horribilis speech.
Im not sure if theres a relationship between high interest rates and heamorhoids, though I can see why there should be.

One cant help but giggle at the phrases and words people use to describe events and whotnots.
Take my little girl for example.
She's only two, but never ceases to amaze me when it comes to her grasp of the English language, and sentence construction.
This afternoon I spied her following a bug in the garden.
Suddenly and with no warning, she stood up and stepped on the little critter!
She caught me staring gobsmacked at what she had just done.
Without skipping a beat, she looked down at the squishy blotch, tapped it with the toe of her shoe, looked back up at me, and said "Its not working anymore!"

The other night we had some friends over for sheesha and drinks (hubbly-bubbly for the less well informed).
We got to chatting about fantasy lovers. You know, how each person is allowed to have one person thay fantasize about, and be given a greencard to seduce, provided that person is way beyond any reasonable chance of ever even knowing of your existence. Thats why its fantasy.
I've always been intrigued by Asian women, and everyone that knows me, knows this about me. However, when it comes to my fantasy lover, I chose Ashley Judd in a heartbeat. The thinking mans pin-up.
Of course as far as the ladies were concerned, the usual names popped up. George Clooney, Will Smith, Woody Allen (some had smoked more sheesha than others by this point), and finally, Johnny Depp.
At the mention of Johnny's name, I imagined him in Pirates Of The Carribean and asked "With that beard, isnt he a bit rough?"
The response: "I like it rough!"
I spilt my kola tonic and lemonade, and went back to discussing interest rates and the economy!

I have a Bangladeshi national who rents one of my properties, and is reliaby and consistently late with his rent payments.
I've heard every excuse in the book, and some that hadnt even been written yet.
Lately he's resorted to sending me excuses for late payment via sms.
With his english worse than my daughters or Arnold Schwarzenegars, reading his text messages and making sense of them is a linguistic challenge of the highest order.
Its like buying a Korean made dvd recorder and figuring out how it works by reading the manual!
Last week, he sent me a text message saying, and I quote, "Sir Fareed, I am no choys. I think and think and dont no. Sumwun o me muny, and he gon i can not find. I hart sor. I even wun do soo syt."
Between watching Manchester United vs Blackburn and munching on my Nando's half-chicken meal, I now had to try and decipher this coded text message.
The only bit that made sense was that someone owed him money. The rest was a maze.
An hour later I called him and said until they made Bangladeshi an official language, could he please lay off butchering the queens english!
Turns out he was trying to tell me, in his own special way, that he was contemplating suicide because of his financial burdens!
Of course I suggested he pay his rent to at least get that worry off his mind, and hopefully be less stressed. I offered free counselling, and suggested he stay away from sharp pointy objects in the meantime. Then I took the keys for the fire-escape, which leads to the roof, away from him.
These are the issues I have to contend with on an average day.
Its no easy task, but evidently I take a well-balanced approach to these matters.