Transcript of a phone-call I recieved last night, just before the 7pm news on eTV to be precise.
Desai : Bastards have come back?
Me : Who has?
Desai : Those forward bastards have come back and taken my garden furniture!
Me : Have you spoken to your insurance yet?
Desai: They want me to write.
Me : Write what?
Desai : Write whats left.
Me : Whats left? Dont you mean whats gone?
Desai : No. Whats left. Theres more gone than whats left, which leaves more to write about.
Me : Thats not right. Nobody ever sends a claim form in with whats left, thats not right!
Desai : I have bigger problems.
Me : *tense pause* What now?
Desai : Its the missus. She left. *another tense pause, this time by the both of us*
And yes I know you going to tell me thats not right, but she left.
Me : Are you sure she's not just out shopping, or at her moms?
Desai : Her mother died 7 years ago, and some days I wish she did leave to be with her mother, but today isnt one of them. She didnt say a word. Looks like she just packed in a hurry and left.
Me : That doesnt sound like something she would do.
Desai : Yes yes... I think its too stressful for her, all this.
First the car, now the house.
She must have grabbed what she could and left. The place is in a mess Kaloo...
* silence *
Me : Wait...Let me get this straight.
You havent spoken to her yet; you came home and found your garden furniture stolen; you walked into the house and it was in a mess; the missus cupboards are empty; and you think its 2 separate events which took place at your house?
* more silence *
Desai : Good Lord Kaloo! You think she took my garden furniture too?!!