Monday, May 10, 2010

If Mastercard Calls...

Mastercard called me the other day.
I remember it like it was yesterday. Come to think of it, it was yesterday.
I was quietly sitting on my porch, gently swaying to and fro on my swing, watching the sunset blanket the landscape in her golden glow of warmth. Ok, so I live in the northern suburbs, and if you know anything about these shoeboxes they call townhouses, you’d know porches are a luxury we make do without; and the only way I could get a half-decent swing in my front yard is if they removed my entire garden to make place for it; and then it dawns on me that the sunsets golden glow is actually a Coin Security van on fire after a botched cash-in-transit heist on the highway.

Anyways, back to my point about Mastercard calling me.
They mentioned something about wanting me to make an urgent payment. I vaguely remember them using the words “Overdue” and “Final notice”. Now once before, when I was much younger and a whole lot more na├»ve, and they were a lot more generous about who they gave credit cards out to, I recall a similar call. Back then, being 19 and thinking that I was in college and nobody was smarter than me, I politely told the lady on the other end of the line that the previous owner of the number she was calling had sadly died. Here’s a tip: Never mention death to anyone calling for money. It’s like the word that triggers their evil side. I was in my bedroom at the time, and acting all cool and telling her about Mr Kaloo’s sad death, when she suddenly started scolding me, then threatening me, and finally giving me advice on how its better to make a payment plan than to lie.

Damn she was good.

She had me hiding my face in shame, and all this over the phone! I felt so bad, I turned the lights off. Now that’s when you know you’re really embarrassed, when you find yourself hiding in the dark from someone you cant even see!

Anyways, back to the point of my story.I’m back from a fabulous holiday. I’ve done everything they said you should do on DSTV’s “The Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous”.
Now its time to pay the bills.

So if Mastercard calls, tell them “I knew him. What a great guy! But agh shame… didnt you hear…?”